Quantcast
Channel: Shameless Pile of Stuff
Viewing all 389 articles
Browse latest View live

Movie Review: Dawn of the Dragonslayer

$
0
0
Dawn of the Dragonslayer a.k.a Paladin: Dawn of the Dragonslayer 
Arrowstorm Entertainment, Ireland, USA, 2011. 
Will Shepherd (Richard McWilliams) and his father Tom (Anthony Murphy) are sheep herders. Dragon is killing sheep so Will's father wants to send him to work as bondsman for Baron Sterling (British TV and film actor Ian Cullen) so that he can some day be knight. Will wants to find dragon's egg so they could be rich. During the search father is killed by dragon. Will wants revenge but father's friend Crow (Michael O'Flaherty) sends him to town. 
Richard McWilliams
Will Shepherd
Anthony Murphy
Father Tom
The filming locations are nice
Will meets Baron's daughter Kate Sterling (Nicola Posener) and they become friends. The Baron is poor and does not want to hire anyone but he accepts Will into the castle. The work is hard and other servants are disparaging and cruel. 
Nicola Posener
Kate Sterling
Knight Rogan Ap Cynan (Philip Brodie) visits the castle with reports of dragon attacks. Only mystic fire resistant Paladin can kill a dragon. Rogan needs a sparring partner, so Will will do. Rogan is a rather unpleasant fellow who humiliates Will. Kate and his aunt Lady Spriggs (Maggie Daniels) begin to help Will. Kate has also secret conjuring powers. Will and Kate fall in love but Rogan plans to marry Kate.
Ian Cullen
Baron Sterling
Philip Brodie
Rogan Ap Cynan
When dragon attacks the castle Will tries to attack it using Baron's heirloom sword. Sword is damaged and Will is sent away. Rogan begins to plot against Will, so only way Will can show his worth  is to find his inner hero and kill the dragon.
Kate knows resist fire spell
Will vs the dragon
This is like a fantasy version of "The Man from Snowy River." It is not so much of an action spectacle but a romantic drama, bit like  "Wuthering Heights" with dragons and magic. The romance of Will and Kate advances naturally and the pair must overcome difficult obstacles along the way. The character Lady Spriggs seems minor character at first but becomes important later. The special effects look nice and manage to overcome the budget limitations. Generally it does not have the usual cheap Aura of low budget fantasy movies, but looks more like a British perod drama.

There is a scene in the beginning with shaman making spells, but why it is never explained. I guess that was the guy who summoned the dragon in the first place. At least other Arrowstorm Entertainment films "The Crown and the Dragon""SAGA - Curse of the Shadow" seem to take place in the same fantasy universe.
Filmed in Ireland, the beautiful scenery plays a large part. As a note the epic music is composed by Finnish composer Panu Aaltio.


Rating: Good
Starring:  Richard McWilliams, Nicola Posener, Philip Brodie, Ian Cullen, Maggie Daniels, Michael O'Flaherty, Anthony Murphy, Adam Johnson, Nick Devlin, Ciaran O'Grady, Lemuel Black, Louie Rodriguez
Director: Anne K. Black

Movie Review: Dragon Fighter

$
0
0
Dragon Fighter 
Angry Dragon Entertainment, Dragon Productions LLC, Unified Film Organization (UFO), USA, Bulgaria, 2003. 
Dragon Fighter title
In medieval Britain knights hunt for a killer dragon. They blow up its cave (with some bad CGI falling rock effects). In modern day California helicopter pilot Captain David Carver (Dean Cain) is transporting cloning specialist Dr. Ian Drackovitch (Robert Zachar) to secret underground research site. Carver has great deduction skills so he gets a new job as security chief. The helicopter has a fuel leak but that's okay for now. (The fuel problem is only important in the end of the movie, although it does not cause too serious problems.)
Dragon
Robert Zachar
Dr. Drackovitch
Dean Cain
Captain David Carver
The other personnel of the site are Russian Capt. Sergei Petrov (Hristo Shopov) and Dr. Meredith Winter (Kristine Byers). Dr. Greg Travis (Marcus Aurelius) is an animal handler and there are some technical staff: Kevin the system analyst, Bailey the genetic encoder and Cookie the cook (Robert DiTillio, Vesela Dimitrova, Chuck Eckert). It is a wonder Kevin got his job as his IQ is less than his shoe number. Special note: the other characters are introduced using character cards, but for some reason Cookie does not have one. There are also two expendable unintroduced assistants.
Marcus Aurelius, Vesela Dimitrova, Robert Zachar, Kristine Byers, Robert DiTillio
Left: Greg, Bailey, Middle: Dr. Drackovitch, Right: Meredith, Kevin
Kristine Byers, Dean Cain
Meredith and Carver discuss about Carver's career choice
Dean Cain
It always pays to study
Dr. Drackovitch wants to clone a dragon using the bones found in the cave. The incubation goes faster than expected. The dragon decides to have a barbecue party with scientists on the menu. Dragon obsessed Dr. Drackovitch is reluctant to allow carver destroy his creation. Also the fusion reactor of the lab is about to explode. Kevin gets drunk and plays the stereo so loud that the neighbour complains.
Let's grill!
I'm starving. Fancy a BBQ?
The plot recycles ideas from "Jurassic Park", "Deep Blue Sea" or "Alien Resurrection." The movie uses a lot split screen gimmickry. The screens are not in sync and the effect is overused. The movie is stupid but in funny way. Many of the characters in the film die in a way  worthy of Darwin awards. Also the dialogue is enjoyably silly.  The  fighter pilots trying to kill the dragon have a problem because the missiles can not lock into organic target and apparently they can not use guns. A free idea for designing a stealth fighter jet, cover it with bacon. Also the exploding fusion reactor keeps large part of the lab intact for the (not coming) sequels. 

The director Phillip Roth (not the American novelist!) also directed the bad (but not as funny) jet fighter race movie "Hyper Sonic." Being distrubuted by Syfy (formerly Sci Fi Channel) it sure has the Syfy touch in it. [updated the relation to Syfy channel, as IMDB does not mention it being a Sci Fi  Pictures production.] Amusingly bad movie.

Rating: So bad it is good

Starring: Dean Cain, Kristine Byers, Robert Zachar, Marcus Aurelius, Robert DiTillio, Vesela Dimitrova, Hristo Shopov, Chuck Eckert, Kelly Wilborn, Hector Kleist, John Barnsall, Chad Boyer, Matthew Coe, Matt Harris, Darius Kerns, Harold McBain, Hristo Dimitrov 
Director: Phillip J. Roth

Movie Review: Dragon: The Bruce Lee Story

$
0
0
Dragon: The Bruce Lee Story 
Raffaella De Laurentiis Productions, Universal Pictures, Hong Kong, USA, 1993. 
Dragon: The Bruce Lee Story title
The movie is based on the hard-to-find book "Bruce Lee: The Man Only I Knew" written by Bruce Lee's widow, Linda Lee Cadwell. 

Young Bruce Lee (Sam Hau) and his father (Ric Young) live in Hong Kong. Father sees a nightmare of demon chasing Bruce. Father puts Bruce in martial arts school. Later Bruce (Jason Scott Lee, not related to Bruce) uses his skills to defend girls from lusty sailors. Father fears that Bruce will die in Hong Kong so he sends him to USA. 
Jason Scott Lee
Bruce Lee
The life in America is not easy, and he makes a living by washing dishes. He keeps training martial arts and fights with angry cooks and racist bullies. Restaurant owner Mrs Yang (Nancy Kwan) forces him to think what he wants to do with his life. Bruce begins to study philosophy and starts to give kung fu lessons. He then meets his future wife Linda (Lauren Holly).
Bruce fights the cooks
Lauren Holly
Linda
However other Chinese do not like that he is teaching martial arts to whites. Bruce has to duel with martial arts master Johnny Sun (Johnny Cheung) (in real history Wong Jack Man) to earn his right to teach. The lost opponent cowardly breaks Bruce's back (did not happen in real life! Bruce hurt his back years later when he was lifting weights. The injury possibly contributed to his death as he began using painkillers and cannabis.) 
Bruce's first kung fu school
Johnny Cheung
Johnny Sun
Linda helps him to recover. Bruce develops his own martial arts style Jeet Kune Do. They get children and Bruce starts his film career. However the Hollywood career falls short because the audience does not want Asian actors. The studio also steals his idea for TV-series "Kung Fu." Bruce returns to Hong Kong and becomes a celebrated movie star. After filming "Enter the Dragon" he dies. 
Iain M. Parker, Jason Scott Lee and Michelle Tennant
Bruce with his kids Brandon (Iain M. Parker) and Shannon (Michelle Tennant)
Jason Lee does a fine job as Bruce, portraying well his gestures and facial expressions. Also Lauren Holly is good as supporting and strong wife. The story is partially true and partially fiction, there are many inaccuracies or inclusion of things that just did not happen in real history. In the movie Bruce is the only child of single parent. In reality Bruce had both parents and four siblings. Also many controversial areas of Bruce's life are omitted (drug use, relationship with Betty Ting). Still the movie makes a good portrait of a young man who has to fight his inner demons and external prejudices to gain his place in the sun. Bruce also pushed boundaries in Hollywood by portraying strong Chinese characters instead of the typical for the era caricature Asian movie characters. The main focus of the sentimental story is the romance of Bruce and Linda, and the difficulties the mixed race couple has to go through in the 1960s.

Rating: Good

Starring: Jason Scott Lee, Lauren Holly, Robert Wagner, Michael Learned, Nancy Kwan, Kay Tong Lim, Ric Young, Luoyong Wang, Sterling Macer Jr., Sven-Ole Thorsen, Ong Soo Han, Eric Bruskotter, Aki Aleong, Chao Li Chi, Sam Hau, Iain M. Parker, Michelle Tennant, Clyde Kusatsu, Alicia Tao, Kwong-Keung Kong, John Cheung, Anthony Carpio, Tat-Kwong Chan, John Lacy, Harry Stanback, Michael Cudlitz, Forry Smith, Sean Stanek, Van Williams, Alan Eugster, Paul Raci, Ed Parker Jr., Shannon Lee, Robert Garrett, Lala Sloatman, Fu Suk Han, Nick Brandon, Louis Turenne, Paul Mantee, Jonathan Penner, Jan Solomita, Shannon Uno, Rob Cohen, Lau Pak Lam, Pamela Holt, Mark King, Johnny Mask, Steve Spry 
Director: Rob Cohen

Movie Review: Dragon Hunter

$
0
0
Dragon Hunter a.k.a The Fire Dragon Chronicles 
Ground Glass Entertainment, Dragon Hunter Films, USA, 2009. 
Dragon Hunter title
Darius (Erik Denton) and his little brother Kendrick (Maclain Nelson) were orphaned when orcs attacked their home. Years later they have become orc hunters. Dragon attacks village and the brothers have to flee. Darius tries to travel to Ocard where dragon hunters are trained. 
Erik Denton and Maclain Nelson
Darius and Kendrick
They meet a group of dragon hunters led by Nathan (Orlando Seale). Elf scout Raya (Kelly Stables), berserk Olick (Isaac C. Singleton Jr.), careful Rolland (Slate Holmgren), two loudmouth thieves Malnik (Adam Johnson) and Shadron (Jake Suazo) and a simpleminded young guy Henry (Jason Purdie). 
Kelly Stables
Raya
Adam Johnson, Jason Purdie and Jake Suazo
Malnik, Henry and Shadron
Isaac C. Singleton Jr.
Olick goes into berserk mode
The rest of the group thinks Kendrick is useless so Darius has to defend him. Raya is impressed by his bravery so she falls in love with him. As some of the party members are wounded they go to Oswin's camp. Local wizard and camp leader Oswin (David Morgan) is inept and an idiot. Raya is much better healer. Old man named Aaron (Newell Alexander) knows how dragons breed (much like Aliens) but nobody believes him. 
Orcs
Dragon
In Ocard Darius reveals that it is Kendrick's destiny to be the dragon hunter. Kendrick is weak and needs a lot of training. We're gonna need a montage! 

The whole movie has a melancholic tone. Most of the characters have some kind of trauma that forces them to continue fighting. It gives some realism to the characters but results also to boring moments in the second act. The story moves at glacial speed. Still the slow speed would be forgivable if some of the characters weren't so incredibly stupid and I mean Snails-level stupid. The cinematography looks nice but the action scenes have this shaky camera syndrome that make the action look chaotic. Seriously, shaky cam needs to die. The action  is not all bad. The coolest scene is when the berserk kills about dozen orcs with his bare hands. 

The movie has ambitious ideas trying to portray some serious fantasy characters who are damaged by war but some stupid moments ruin the attempt to seriousness.

Rating: Average

Starring: Kelly Stables, Brad Johnson, Newell Alexander, Erik Denton, Slate Holmgren, Adam Johnson, Brian King, David Morgan, Maclain Nelson, Jason Purdie, Bob Richardson, Orlando Seale, Derrik Shakespear, Isaac C. Singleton Jr., Jake Suazo, Jared Aisen, Adam Barbay, Reese Phillip Purser 
Director: Stephen Shimek

Movie Review: Ninja Dragon

$
0
0
Ninja Dragon
IFD Films and Arts Limited, Hong Kong, 1986. 
Ninja Dragon title
International crime lords play poker with banker and ninja master Gordon (Richard Harrison). Bank always wins so Gordon wins lots of properties. The crime lords want revenge. Tiger Kwok (Shut Chung-Tin) plans the assassination of Gordon's business partner Ronald. 
International crime lords
Richard Harrison
Ninja master Gordon
Shut Chung-Tin
Tger Kwok
Tiger Kwok goes to Shanghai Triad Godfather's wake (so Ronald was the Godfather). He vows revenge (although he arranged the murder). Godfather has two daughters Phoenix (Lily Lan Yu-Li) and Fanny (?) who will take over the Godfather's businesses. Gordon asks Dragon (Chang Kuo-Chu) to help the daughters restore their power. Paul (Paulo Tocha) and Fox (Miao Tian) are trying to gain advantage so Dragon must stop them. 
Chang Kuo-Chu
Dragon
Paulo Tocha
Paul (Paulo Tocha)
Lily Lan Yu-Li
Phoenix and Fanny
Dragon arrives just in time when goons of Fox are trying to kill the sisters. Then Dragon goes to Godfather's funeral. Also Fox goes to the funeral to bring flowers. Tiger plans to kill Dragon and take over the leadership of the gang (however no one does not notice anything fishy even when Tiger shows his unreliability several times). 
Miao Tian
Fox Chan
Richard Harrison
Ninja Camo!
Triad warfare
Then we see ninja (Richard Harrison) training in camouflage suit (the evil ninjas wear red). Little pickpocket kid steals Dragon's keys and foils assassination attempt. The captured killer then bashes his own face so he can't be recocgnized. Gordon starts his own war against Paul and his gang. Fox wants to take over Phoenix's turf. After Dragon foils another attempt to assasinate Phoenix, the mobsters kill Dragon's girlfriend. Dragon does not notice anything. Lots of scheming, murders and ninja battles ensue.
Richard Harrison
Sword training
Godfrey Ho films are made by cutting scenes from different movies and inserting some new footage. This film is an uneasy mash-up of unknown Taiwanese triad gangster epic "Dark Trap" and ninja film. Also the music is "loaned" from other films, at least music from "Dune" was used here. The IFD Film opening logo uses music from "Star Wars". 
Ninja workout
The plot is confusing mess. It is hard to figure out who is on whose side. The dubbing is hilariously awful. Mob boss Paul's (Paulo Tocha a.k.a Bruce Stallion) fake cockney accent cracked me up every time he appeared on screen. The action ranges from Hong Kong gunplay to ninja action where ninja suits and weapons appear magically from thin air. Although the repetitiveness and brutality of the original "Dark Trap" take away some of the wackiness, it is narrowly so bad it is good. 

Rating: So bad it is good 

Starring: Richard Harrison, Paulo Tocha, Chiang Tao, Pierre Tremblay, Suen Kwok-Ming, Chang Kuo-Chu, Shut Chung-Tin, Lily Lan Yu-Li, Lau Yin-Fong, Wang Hsieh, Miao Tian, Cheung Chung-Kwai, Chen Yan-Yan, Melvin Pitcher, Cheung Yiu-Sing, Man Man, Cheung Bo-Sin, Lo Dik, Liu Wai, Chiang Chi-Ping, Lam Gwong-Chun, Yung Shun-Hing, Choi Chung-Chau, Freya Patrick, Martin Lee, Konrad Chang, Jean Tang, Mason Shin, Billy Pang 
Director: Godfrey Ho

Movie Review: George and the Dragon

$
0
0
George and the Dragon a.k.a Dragon Sword
ApolloMedia Distribution, Carousel Picture Company, Ravenhouse Entertainment, USA, Germany, UK, Luxembourg, 2004.
George and the Dragon title
George (James Purefoy) and Tarik (Michael Clarke Duncan) are returning from crusade. In England dragon kidnaps Princess Lunna (Piper Perabo). Her fiance knight Garth DeGurney (Patrick Swayze) tries to find her. Lunna does not want to marry Garth so she probably would rather stay hidden. Father Bernard (Jean-Pierre Castaldi) escapes angry mob and meets George. George returns to England with Bernard and Tarik goes to search for mercenary El Cabillo (Val Kilmer).
James Purefoy and Michael Clarke Duncan
George and Tarik
Jean-Pierre Castaldi
Father Bernard
El Cabillo
Val Kilmer
By the way Piper Perado looks like Hilary Swank:
Piper Perado Hilary Swank doppelgangers
King Edgar (Simon Callow) hires George to find the Princess. Picts are attacking so George and Garth must fight them. As the searchers are separated George continues the adventure with young lad Wryn (Rollo Weeks) and old bloke Elmendorf (Bill Treacher). El Cabillo's posse comes to England trying to find something to loot.
Patrick Swayze
Garth DeGurney
Rollo Weeks and Bill Treacher
Wryn and Elmendorf
Piper Perabo
Princess Lunna
Spunky Princess becomes pals with the dragon and adopts the suddenly orphaned dragon's egg. Transportation of the gigantic egg would be a nightmare even to professional movers. Luckily there is always a soft object (Elmendorf or George) to break the fall.
George and egg
As it is proper for a adventure movie there is a budding romance of George and Lunna, and also Garth is a power-hungry baddie. The ending ties together the loosely connected story threads introduced earlier in the story. As in the legend George confronts the dragon, but with a twist.

The story has little to do with historical St. George, "George and the Dragon" is "Princess Bride"- style tongue in cheek adventure produced by SciFi channel (Syfy). El Cabillo replaces the Dread Pirate Roberts. Characters are fun and the good actors make the production standards higher than in the usual Syfy fare. During the end credits there is a blooper reel.

Rating: Good

Starring: James Purefoy, Piper Perabo, Patrick Swayze, Michael Clarke Duncan, Bill Treacher, Jean-Pierre Castaldi, Rollo Weeks, Paul Freeman, Stefan Jürgens, Stefan Weinert, Phil McKee, Caroline Carver, Simon Callow, Joan Plowright, Carl Chase, Jamie Treacher, Bill Oddie, Peter McCabe, Dean Gregory, Bernd Pietsch, Chas Warlow, Andreas Meidinger, Jim Probyn, Thoralf Koegst, Leslie Woodhall, Orhan Kümürcü, Lynne Roche, Giles Deu, Margot Due, Jean Alesi, Jason F. Burks, Erkan Gündüz, Caroline Koch, Véronique Koch, Val Kilmer, Serge Mauro
Director: Tom Reeve

Movie Review: How to Train Your Dragon 2

$
0
0
How to Train Your Dragon 2
20th Century Fox, DreamWorks Animation, Mad Hatter Entertainment, USA, 2014. 
Some years after the events in the first movie the vikings of the Berk Village live together with the dragons. The collaboration has made new extreme sports possible such as Harry Potter's Quidditch-style sheep-ball game. Hiccup and his dragon Toothless are more fans of individual sports so they go skydiving. They are searching for new lands and new dragon species. Hiccup's father Stoick the Vast wants to make him the new chief but Hiccup doubts if he will be up to the task. 
Hiccup and Toothless
Astrid and Hiccup drawing a map
Stoick wants to make Hiccup the new chief
Hiccup and his girlfriend Astrid bump into Eret's dragon hunters. They are catching dragons for a man named Drago Bludvist. Drago is building an army of dragon riders and planning to conqueri the world. Stoick fears Drago for he is a ruthless madman. Hiccup wants to negotiate with Drago to stop the war. 
Drago
Mysterious dragon rider is rescuing captured dragons and causes nuisance to Drago. Hiccup gets a great surprise when the identity of the dragon rescuer is revealed. Hiccup must get the vikings and the dragon rescuer to co-operate so that they can save Berk and the dragons. 
Dragon sanctuary
Valka and Hiccup
Alpha dragon
The animation looks great. The sceneries and flight scenes are beautifully rendered. The dragons are cute and act like big kittens or puppies. The story has both funny and emotional scenes when secrets from Hiccup's childhood are revealed. Friends of Hiccup offer the comic relief, there are goofy twins Ruffnut (girl) and Tuffnut (boy), chubby dragon card collector Fishlegs, and chivalric Snotlout. There is a slight Star Wars feeling, Hiccup's flame sword is like a light sabre, the battle in the middle part looks like "Empire Strikes Back" and there is a kind of "Luke, I'm your father" moment.

The story is darker than the first movie, and the characters are grown up from the first movie. There is also viking funeral. The first movie was nice but this part takes the franchise to more interesting path. It is a story about Hiccup becoming a viking leader protecting peace but defending his village if necessary. Hiccup is pressurized by his parents' expectations but in the end he must find his own path. There is also a message of protecting animals.The minuses are that after the exciting, emotional and funny first half the finale is quite predictable routine work. The ending also leaves some plot holes (that maybe are answered in the "How to Train Your Dragon 3"). As some of Hiccup's friends are trying to grow a beard, I wonder if Hiccup will look like Commander Riker in the next movie.

Rating: Very good 

Voice actors: Jay Baruchel, Cate Blanchett, Gerard Butler, Craig Ferguson, America Ferrera, Jonah Hill, Christopher Mintz-Plasse, T.J. Miller, Kristen Wiig, Djimon Hounsou, Kit Harington, Kieron Elliott, Philip McGrade, Andrew Ableson, Gideon Emery, Simon Kassianides, Randy Thom 
Director: Dean DeBlois

Movie Review: Dragonball Evolution

$
0
0
Dragonball Evolution
Twentieth Century Fox Film Corporation, Dune Entertainment, Star Overseas, Ingenious Film Partners, Big Screen Productions, World Film Magic, USA, Hong Kong, UK, 2009.
Dragonball Evolution title
In ancient times Warlord Piccolo (James Marsters) and his pal Oozaru (Ian Whyte) almost destroyed Earth. Powerful spell Ma Fu Ba was created to capture Piccolo in a jar. Now Piccolo has escaped but it is never told how.

Goku (Justin Chatwin) is bullied at school. Great, the cheerful monkey boy from the manga and anime is now an angsty teen. Grandpa Gohan (Randall Duk Kim) teaches him martial arts and mystical skills. Grandpa gives him Dragonball for his 18th birthday present. Tough luck, Piccolo and his henchwoman Mai (Eriko Tamura) are searching for the Dragonballs.
Justin Chatwin
Goku
Dragonball
Jamie Chung
Chi Chi
Pretty girl Chi Chi (Jamie Chung) invites Goku to house party. Meanwhile Piccolo comes to kill Gohan. Before dying, Gohan sends Goku to find Master Roshi (Chow Yun-Fat). He must find all seven Dragonballs before the next solar eclipse. Then he could make a wish to make Piccolo go away. But first Bulma (Emmy Rossum) comes to hunt for Dragonball-thief and mistakes Goku for the thief. After the mistake is resolved the pair teams up. Bulma has small capsules that turn into motorcycles.
James Marsters and Eriko Tamura
Piccolo and Mai
Emmy Rossum
Bulma
Also Yamcha (Joon Park) joins the heroes.Chi Chi reveals to be a martial arts master also. Then it is training, Dragonball hunt and finally Goku offers Piccolo and his henchmen knuckle sandwiches. The final fight starts promisingly but is annoyingly short.
Chow Yun-Fat
Master Roshi
Goku's energy blast
There are some attempts to comedy, but with lackluster results. Battles have Dragonball-trademark energy blasts and flying in the air. Still they look like routine wire-fu, without much originality. Chow Yun-Fat was the most fun thing in the movie as a slightly dirty sensei. As the manga and the anime were long and epic the movie tries to quickly run-through the story. Things happen that confuse anyone who does not know at least something about the original source material. Briefly introduced characters from the original story join the quest immediately and the characters have no time to develop. Paradoxically it means that this bad movie is too short. 

There are some references to originals (Goku's spiky hair, huge appetite etc.) but it all feels almost a spoof. The generic story does not offer many surprises and will make fans of the manga and anime angry. The hilarity of the original is lost.

Most importantly: There was pig guy in the anime but there are no pig guys in the movie, disappointed!

Rating: Very bad

Starring: Justin Chatwin, Chow Yun-Fat, Emmy Rossum, Jamie Chung, James Marsters, Joon Park, Eriko Tamura, Randall Duk Kim, Ernie Hudson, Texas Battle, Megumi Seki, Ian Whyte, Richard Blake, Jon Valera, Rafael Valdez, Mike Wilson, Freddy Bouciegues, Shavon Kirksey, Julian Sedgwick, Luis Arrieta, Gabriela de la Garza, Rich E. Cordobes
Director: James Wong

Movie Review: Age of the Dragons

$
0
0
Age of the Dragons a.k.a The White Dragons a.k.a Curse of the Dragon a.k.a Dragon Fire
Koan, Metrodome Cosmic Pictures, Incentive Films, Cinedome, Dragon Quest Productions, Outpost Studios, USA, 2011.
Age of the Dragons title
DVD cover says that the movie is adaptation of Herman Melville's "Moby-Dick" with dragons! Let's see how this fares.

Young Ahab (Raphael Cruz) was a hunter who met his match one day when White Dragon killed his sister (Yanique Bland). Ahab gets burned badly and swears revenge.
White Dragon
Ishmael (Corey Sevier) and Queequeg (Kepa Kruse) want to hunt dragons with Ahab. Dragon vitriol is a valuable as lamp oil. Starbuck (David Morgan) and Stubb (Vinnie Jones) challenge Ishmael for harpooning contest. Stubb is the most experienced hunter of the Ahab's crew and Starbuck is devoutly religious. Ahab's adopted daughter Rachel (Sofia Pernas) manages the business side of the vitriol hunting but she can also fight. Old geezer (Wayne Brennan) predicts that they will die.
Corey Sevier and Kepa Kruse
Ishmael and Queequeg
David Morgan and Vinnie Jones
Starbuck and Stubb
Sofia Pernas
Rachel
The ship Pequod is in this version steampunk-style armoured personnel carrier. Ahab (Danny Glover) is also follower of the slit goggle (or Inuit snow goggle) fashion trend likewise Rammstein, Lee Marvin in "Death Hunt" and Lords of Death- gang in "Big Trouble in Little China." As Danny Glover had only little time available for this movie, a stunt double was used for the scenes where Ahab appears masked. Also Vinnie Jones has very limited screen time.
Pequod
slit-goggles or Inuit snow goggles
Some examples of slit goggles in popular culture
Ahab promises a triple reward for the man who first spots the White Dragon. The men have to swear to hunt the White Dragon until death. Raw dragon vitriol is dangerous substance and explodes with contact of air and it also glows in the dark (the stuff almost certainly contains white phosphorus). Wretched cook Flask (Larry Bagby) is responsible for the vitriol extraction. The purpose of the hunting trip is not to earn money, but to satisfy Ahab's revenge. Then follow mutiny, betrayals and dark revelations.
Danny Glover
Ahab
A good Moby-Dick adaption has always to be successful in building the impending sense of doom. No wonder many metal bands have found inspiration by it (Mastodon, Ahab, even Led Zeppelin and also numerous bands named Moby Dick). "Age of the Dragons" manages to maintain the dark atmosphere throughout the film. However it does not achieve the furiousity of the finale of "Moby Dick" with Gregory Peck (1956).

Ryan Little directed good WWII movie "Saints and Soldiers" and its sequels. J Bateman's music is good and the cinematography looks nice. Let's say that the first half of the film looks decent. Much of the dialogue is taken from Melville's book, just substituting whale for dragon. Danny Glover's Ahab is suitably obsessed and crazy character. The story's fantasy setting is not unacceptable. Why not, there is also an anime adaptation "Hakugei Densetsu" where the whales are whale-shaped spaceships. Not to mention the Asylym version 2010: Moby Dick. For a Syfy movie this looks seriously made without any satirical humour. However the second half takes a wrong direction with standard adventure cliches, forced love story and disappointing finale. Also Queequeg is made a bit boring character instead of mysterious aboriginal.Thus it fails to be fully satisfactory adaptation of the classic story.

Rating: Average

Starring: Danny Glover, Vinnie Jones, Corey Sevier, Sofia Pernas, Larry Bagby, Kepa Kruse, David Morgan, Raphael Cruz, Yanique Bland, Wayne Brennan, McKay Daines, John Lyde, Scott Chun, Amy Micalizio, Brianne Aglaure, Brandon Anderson, Christian Purser, Ryan Don Devey, Valeria Madsen, Preston Gibbs, Mark Oliphant, Gloria Hansen, Ross Howard, David Turley, Chris Larsen, Nathan Harward, Erik Madsen, Erich Cannon, Savannah Ostler
Director: Ryan Little

Movie Review: Dungeons & Dragons 2: Wrath of the Dragon God

$
0
0
Dungeons & Dragons 2: Wrath of the Dragon God a.k.a Dungeons & Dragons 2: The Elemental Might a.k.a Dungeons & Dragons: The Sequel 
Skyline Dungeon & Dragons Ltd., Studio Hamburg WorldWide Pictures, Sweetpea BVI Ltd., Zinc Entertainment Inc., Germany, UK, Lithuania, USA, 2005. 
Dungeons & Dragons 2: Wrath of the Dragon God title
Hundred years after the first movie evil formerly blue lipped Damodar (Bruce Payne) is now a cursed undead. Evil artifact gives his life back. Life is good thinks Damodar, now it is time to get revenge on city of Ismir. 
Bruce Payne
Damodar
Bored tax minister Berek (Mark Dymond) wants adventure. Sitting behind the desk has taken its toll and he is not quite as good fighter as he was before as his former student Valerious (Vytautas Rumsas) points out. Berek's wife Melora (Clemency Burton-Hill) is a low-level mage but she wants to join the Mages' council some day. Her attempt to practise mending spell has quite devastating results.
Mark Dymond
Berek
Clemency Burton-Hill
Melora
Citizen of Saragasso comes to ask for help as there is something evil in the mountains. Colossal black dragon is sleeping in the cave. Thousands of years ago Turanian people imprisoned dragon god Faluzure and created an Orb that keeps the dragon sleeping. Now Damodar has the Orb and the world is in danger. As a bonus Damodar puts a curse on Melora so she will slowly turn into an undead. 
Ellie Chidzey
Lux
Steven Elder, Lucy Gaskell, Tim Stern, Ellie Chidzey
Dorian, Ormaline, Nim and Lux
Group of bravest heroes is chosen to stop Damodar. As Valerious is on some trivial mission Berek volunteers instead to lead the party (in your face Valerious!) Barbarian Lux (Ellie Chidzey), cleric Dorian (Steven Elder), elf wizard Ormaline (Lucy Gaskell), rogue Nim (Tim Stern) form the group of adventurers.
Aurimas Meliesius
Klaxx the Lich
Dorian casts Turn Undead
Liches, spectres, dragons and deadly traps await the heroes. Meanwhile the mages and Melora try to find out information about Turanians. Klaxx the Lich (Aurimas Meliesius) helps Damodar awaken the undead dragon god. And the dragon god is angry...
Dragon god Faluzure
After the abysmal first movie, the budget is now considerably lower. The special effects are standard Syfy-level although there are some quite impressing dragon scenes. What is great is that now the movie is faithful to the Dungeons & Dragons lore. The gamers will notice the references to familiar items and monsters. The plot feels more serious (but not as dark as the third D&D movie) and luckily there are no Snails-style stupid sidekicks. Nim comes the closest of being the comical character, but in a street credible way and he certainly has professional thieving skills. There is also chemistry between Nim and Lux, with their mutual disliking turning into respect. Bruce Payne who was about the only tolerable thing in the first movie, has now fun as the main villain of the story. However at some points the film feels like watching a larping session (dice not included). Still it is fairly enjoyable and reminds of 1980s low budget fantasy adventures or episodes of "Xena: Warrior Princess". 

Rating: Good (if you are a Dungeons & Dragons / low budget fantasy fan) 

Starring: Bruce Payne, Mark Dymond, Clemency Burton-Hill, Ellie Chidzey, Tim Stern, Steven Elder, Lucy Gaskell, Roy Marsden, Geoffrey T. Bersey, Leonas Ciunis, Liubomiras Lauciavicius, Ervinas Peteraitis, Vytautas Rumsas, David Merheb, Aurimas Meliesius, Laurynas Jurgelis, Andrius Zebrauskas, Arturas Orlauskas, Leonardas Pobedonoscevas, Tauras Cizas, Tomas Vaitkus, Arturas Builovas, Mykolas Dorofejus, Ramunas Abukevicius, Evaldas Leskauskas, Tomas Zaibus, Dawn Akemi, John Frank Rosenblum, Ed Stark 
Director: Gerry Lively

Movie Review: The White Dragon

$
0
0
The White Dragon (Fei hap siu baak lung) a.k.a The Flying Heroine: Little White Dragon 
China Film Co-Production Corporation, China Film Group, China Star Entertainment, One Hundred Years of Film Company, Singing Horse Productions, Hong Kong, 2004. 
The White Dragon  Fei hap siu baak lung title
Black Phoenix (Cecilia Cheung) has reluctantly joined the world of martial arts. Masquerading as White Dragon Jr., she has to fight blind assassin Chicken Feathers (Francis Ng) who has a contract on Second Prince Tian Yang (Andy On). Chicken Feathers is like Zatoichi, only goofier. 
Cecilia Cheung
Black Phoenix
Francis Ng
Chicken Feathers
A week ago Phoenix was a rich and spoiled student. She dreams of Second Prince who also begins to like her. The prince has older brother First Prince Tian Sheng (Liu Lei). Chicken Feather kills schools lecherous principal. Martial arts heroine and school's janitor White Dragon (Nei Suet) tries to catch him but fails. White Dragon gives her powers to Black Phoenix, the sequence looks like Windows XP copying bar.
Rock 'n' roll
Andy On and Cecilia Cheung
Second Prince Tian Yang and Phoenix
Phoenix gets acne. Only way to cure it is to make good deeds, Robin Hood style. When Chicken Feathers targets Tian Yang, she must try to fight against him. Phoenix begins to sympathize Chicken Feathers when he treats her broken leg. She plays her flute to describe the surrounding world to Chicken Feathers. Chicken Feathers has only one friend, physician Deer Tail (Shiu Hung Hui) who arranges him the contracts. Phoenix tries to solve the conspiracy and save both Second Prince and Chicken Feathers.
The story varies from sentimental drama...
...to silly comedy
Starting as a wuxia-film, the film then morphs into high-school comedy. This is partly a parody of Wuxia-films with some contemporary references. Phoenix plays lute like a rock star, McDonalds sells buns and there is basically medieval China's equivalent of Louis Vuitton. However as the movie switches the genre from wire-fu film, to comedy to romantic drama and back to wuxia drama, the result is uneven experience. Although mixing comedy, romance and action is usual in Hong Kong films, the seams are a bit too obvious. Still the main love story is sweet with some quirky humour so it is hard to dislike. The action scenes are acceptable, although not best of the genre as the movie seems to have quite low budget. The chemistry between the main actors is good and the story does not take itself too seriously.
McBun
Wuxia fight!
Rating: Good 

Starring: Francis Ng, Andy On, Lei Liu, Cecilia Cheung, Xiao Lung Ding, Avi K. Garg, Shiu Hung Hui, Zhangjin Shi, Nei Suet, Patrick Tang, Kitty Yuen,  Huang Xiao-Xu, Dang Chi-Fung, Xia Tai-Li, Meng Kai, Zhang Jia-Jun, Liu Jing-Cheng, Wen Wen, Hu Dan-Feng, Bi Yuan-Biao, Xu Chen Jun Lei, Shen Zun-Ying, Hu Xiao-Lin, Wang Yi-Qiu, Huang Di, Zhu Ming-Ming, Li Su-Qin, Zhang Deng-Ke, Dai Tian 
Director: Wilson Yip

Lohikäärme Justus ja Taikuri Savinen

$
0
0
Lohikäärme Justus ja Taikuri Savinen 
(rough translations: "Justus the Dragon" and "Clay the Magician") 
YLE, Finland 1977-1991.

Introducing classic Finnish children's TV shows from 1970-90s! 

"Justus the Dragon" and "Clay the Magician" are nostalgic clay animations made for children and shown originally in Finnish TV. The DVD contains 8 episodes of "Lohikäärme Justus" (1983) (translated: Justus the Dragon), five episodes of "Justus maailmalla" (1991) (translated: Justus goes abroad) and five episodes (of total of 15) of "Taikuri Savinen" (1978) (translated: Clay the Magician). The series were animated by Tuula Pukkila. Unfortunately there are no English subs. All series fully utilize the properties of modelling clay and the characters can curl themselves into a ball or disc.

Both series were voiced by Erkki Thil (all episodes) and also Riitta Räty (some episodes of "Justus goes abroad.") 

Other animations by Pukkila include clay animation "Pallerot" (Small Spheres), quite experimental show that has small spheres dancing and forming flowers and other objects. Sadly "Pallerot" is nowadays quite forgotten series. 

Justus the Dragon (Lohikäärme Justus)
"Justus the Dragon" was scripted by Lea Himberg. It is the story of small friendly dragon whose wings have not yet grown. Justus changes colour depending on his mood. Justus lives in mountains with his friends Mountain Goat and group of intelligent flowers. The series has themes of friendship and helping others.
Justus and the flowers
Mountain Goat
1. Justus can't fly (Justus ei osaa lentää)
Justus practises flying but his wings have not yet grown. Two other dragons fly away for dragon convention. His friends Mountain Goat and the flowers cheer up the sad dragon.
Adult dragons
2. Justus gets sick (Justus sairastuu)
Justus goes swimming and catches cold. Mountain Goat goes to find medicine.

3. Justus and little people (Justus ja pikkuihmiset)
Justus and Mountain Goat hide when humans arrive to mountains. Two kids are lost in the mountains and need help.
Little people
4. Justus exercises (Justus voimistelee)
Justus wants to fly so he straightens his muscles.
Justus exercises
5. The quarreling flowers (Kukkien Tora)
Sun is shining and the flowers argue who will get most of the sun light. Justin sings a song for them.
Justus plays a song
6. New friend (Uusi ystävä)
Justus meets caterpillars and butterflies. Mountain goat gets a girlfriend but Justus is jealous.

7. The return of the dragons (Lohikäärmeiden paluu)
The other dragons return but both have injuries from flight accidents. They bring flight manual to Justus.

8. Justus flies (Justus lentää)
Justus finally gets his wings.
New wings!

Justus Goes Abroad (Justus maailmalla)
A sequel series to "Justus the Dragon." Now Justus can fly so he goes to explore the world. He meets different people who are often first afraid of him, but soon they become friends. This series has more human characters and more variable backgrounds.

1. Justus goes abroad (Justus lähtee maailmalle)
Friends of Justus warn him not to get in trouble when he flies to explore the world. Justus does not listen.

2. Justus in the land of windmills (Justus tuulimyllyjen maassa)
Air pollution makes Justus temporarily blind and he has to land in Netherlands. He gets caught in windmill but the locals help him.
Dutch people
3. Justus and snow (Justus ja lumi)
It is cold and Justus falls into a snowdrift. Two skiers help him.

4. Justus in Peru (Justus Perussa)
Justus goes to Machu Picchu where he first gets cold shoulder. There are strange earthquakes but Justus saves the day.
Peruvian people
5. Justus goes to foreign mountains (Justus lähtee vieraille vuorille)
An old lady asks what it is like around the world. Justus finds mountains with other dragons.


Clay the Magician (Taikuri Savinen)
"Clay the Magician" stories have ecological themes. Clay tries to maintain the balance of humans and nature. Clay's spells do not always go as wished but luckily he has a magic ball that helps. Being made earlier than "Justus" the animation style is not yet as refined and the human characters look very much the same.
Clay the Magician

1. Elmo the animal searcher (Elmu eläinten etsijä)
Elmo tries to find animals but does not find any. Clay creates a tree that is full of animals.
Clay and Elmo
2. Rick the trekker (Riku retkeilijä)
Clay's bunny friend is stuck in an empty can. The forest is full of trash left by Rick.
Clay and bunny
Rick throws trash in the forest

3. Tate the road builder (Tate tientekijä)
Tate is building a road that goes over foxes nest. Clay intervenes and suggests an alternative route.
Tate builds the road
4. Noise barrier (Meluvalli)
The road traffic is noisy and disturbs the animals. Clay must create noise barrier. However he first misunderstands the concept: the barrier is not supposed to be noisy.

5. Dream about city (Uni kaupungista)
The bunny has a nightmare about city without trees and flowers. The dream seems to be accurate. Clay paints the gray houses more colourful.
Bunny in grey city
Happy citizens

Movie Review: Boa vs. Python

$
0
0
Boa vs. Python 
Columbia TriStar Home Entertainment, Unified Film Organization (UFO), Blaze Productions LLC, BUFO USA, Bulgaria, 2004. 
Boa vs. Python title
Mr. Broddick (Adamo Palladino) has ordered a giant python (green snake) for a weekend hunt. It is wonderful what you can order from eBay. The snake escapes and the truck explodes. Sensationalist reporter Kent Humphries (Jeff Rank) suspects terrorists. Laconic Agent Sharpe (Kirk B.R. Woller) finds a snake scale. Outstanding. 
Adamo Palladino and Angel Boris Reed
Mr. Broddick and Eve
Jeff Rank
Kent Humphries
Kirk B.R. Woller
Agent Sharpe
In Philadelphia the snake attacks water power plant. Navy diver Monica Bonds (Jaime Bergman) and snake expert Dr. Emmett (David Hewlett) are called for help. Dr. Emmett has a giant boa named Betty (red snake). Sharpe wants to use the boa and Monica's bionic implants to track the other snake. 
Jaime Bergman
Monica Bonds
David Hewlett
Dr. Emmett
Meanwhile Mr. Broddick, his girlfriend Eve (former Playboy-model Angel Boris Reed) and business partners cowboy Tex (Harry Anichkin), Tom Berenger fanboy sniper Mr. Foley (Atanas Srebrev), redneck father and son team Danner (George R. Sheffey) & James (Griff Furst) and fake Indian crossbow hunter Littlefield (Ivo Naidenov) are going to hunt the snake. The fools do not know that the snake is invulnerable to bullets. The hunters hunt in the forest and the scientists in the sewers. Soon the two groups meet with catastrophic results. 
The hunting party
Harry Anichkin
Python vs. Tex
Adamo Palladino
Mr. Broddick likes to burn things
Before that the boa gets out of control even though there is a remote control for putting the snake to sleep. Cool, I have a lighter that looks like Dr. Emmett's remote control!
Dr. Emmett's remote control
My cool lighter
The action climaxes in nightclub that is also a subway station (?). The DJ plays The Prodigy- style knock-off music before the python complaints against the loud music. Mr. Broddick decides to have a barbecue party.

"Boa" and "Python" have both had their own movies so, this time both of them meet in the battlefield. For a giant monster movie they get quite little screen time though. Most of the action time is spent on watching some braindead characters getting eaten (usually off screen due the budget constraints). The snakes are made with cheap CGI à la "Anaconda." There is even a CGI subway station! Many scenes feature girls with or without bikinis. The deadpan actors deliver absurd one-liners. The dialogue has moments that are so stupid that it is fun. 
Angel Boris Reed
Boa vs. Eve
In the beginning there is a wrestling match with wrestlers Boa and Python. The outcome of the match symbolizes the result of the giant snake battle. There is also some "deep social criticism" with pokes directed at sensational press, expensive bottle water, big game hunting and snake phobia. This is a Syfy-distributed movie that is a bit too self-conscious trash movie. Phillip J. Roth was one of the producers (for some of his highlights see "Hyper Sonic" and "Dragon Fighter"). Someone has called this movie a rip-off of "Alien vs. Predator" (why not "Freddy vs. Jason" or "King Kong Vs. Godzilla") but the comparison would give it too much credit (!). The DVD cover has a spectacular image of helicopter firing missiles at the snakes. Not going to happen.

Rating: So bad it is good 

Starring: David Hewlett, Jaime Bergman, Kirk B.R. Woller, Adamo Palladino (as Adam Kendrick), Angel Boris Reed, Marianne Stanicheva, Griff Furst, Ivo Naidenov, George R. Sheffey, Atanas Srebrev, Harry Anichkin, Jeff Rank, Assen Blatechki, Velizar Binev, Jonas Talkington, Nikolai Sotirov, Ryan Spike Dauner, Dessi Morales, John Hansson, Uti Bachvarov, Edward McDermott, D.J. Johnson, John Klimas, Andres Rojas, Michelle Llorens, Shero Rauf 
Director: David Flores

Movie Review: Pain & Gain

$
0
0
Pain & Gain
Paramount Pictures, De Line Pictures, USA, 2013.
Pain & Gain title
(Arvio suomeksi: paina tästä)

This review is part of a cooperation project suggested by ...noir, where a group of Finnish movie bloggers write about the same movie from their own perspectives. The other participants are (in Finnish only):

The movie is based on the true story of bodybuilder Daniel Lugo and the Sun Gym Gang.

Miami, 1994-95. Daniel Lugo (Mark Wahlberg) is a fitness instructor coaching rich slobs. Rich diner entrepreuner Victor Pepe Kershaw (Tony Shalhoub) joins the club and brags about his wealth. Daniel has high goals and meeting Victor puts the bar higher. Previously Daniel got burned by selling hoax investments to gullible customers. 
Mark Wahlberg
Daniel Lugo
Tony Shalhoub
Victor Pepe Kershaw
Frustrated with their low-pay jobs and full of steroids Daniel and coworker Adrian Doorbal (Anthony Mackie) attends Jonny Wu's (Ken Jeong) life-coaching seminar. Surely guys who look like demi-gods deserve more from America than just dimes. Daniel and Adrian decide to rob Victor. They recruit also former junkie and jail bird Paul Doyle (Dwayne "Rock" Johnson) who can not get other jobs than working at church. 
Dwayne "Rock" Johnson, Mark Wahlberg and Anthony Mackie
Paul, Daniel & Adrian
Ken Jeong
Jonny Wu
Adrian's motives are to be able to pay expensive impotence treatments to Dr. Bjornson (Peter Stormare). Paul gets enough of gay priests. First kidnapping attempts fail. And the real kidnapping does not go as planned. Mixed in the messy plot are stripper Sorina (Bar Paly) and Adrian's nurse girlfriend Robin (Rebel Wilson). Although the gang planned not to use violence, soon murders and attempted murders start to pile up. Due to lazy cops the gang continues its activities unnoticed. Private investigator Ed DuBois III (Ed Harris) begins to crack the case. 
Ed Harris
Ed DuBois III
Paul embracing the tiny motel owner (Donny Davis)

This is a bit different for a Michael Bay movie. Budget is lower, there are no giant robots, not many big shoot-outs and Earth does not blow up. The director's trademark style is still present, low camera angles, slow motions and camera spinning around the characters. Michael Bay turns the grisly real-life murder case into a "Fargo"-style dark comedy. The movie has been criticized by the families of the victims for portraying the criminals as sympathetic idiots. However Daniel Lugo is clearly portrayed as a manipulative thug that loses the few sympathy points he had when he starts committing crimes. 

At times it is like watching "America's Dumbest Criminals." The main characters are chasing the American Dream in a horribly disturbed way. The film resonates with the white-collar crime flick "The Wolf of Wall Street." The film is also satirical on life coaching-gurus selling oversimple solutions. There is a perversion of motto from Paolo Coelho's "Alchemist": If you believe you deserve it, the Universe will serve it. ( “And, when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.” Paulo Coelho, "The Alchemist") 

Entertaining and arrogant movie although using the true story makes it exploitative. The actors pull their roles suitably over the top, The Rock steals the show as a religious and overstrung drug fiend. Tony Shalhoub is great as victim who has bad attitude and Ed Harris as the voice of reason. 

Rating: Good




Suomeksi:

Pain & Gain
Paramount Pictures, De Line Pictures, USA, 2013. 

Tämä arvostelu kuuluu ...noirin ideoimaan yhteisprojektiin, jossa joukko suomalaisia elokuvabloggaajia kirjoittaa omia näkemyksiään samasta elokuvasta. Muut osanottajat ovat:

Elokuva perustuu tositapahtumiin ja kertoo kehonrakentaja Daniel Lugosta ja Sun Gym- jengistä. 

Miami 1994-95. Daniel Lugo on kunto-ohjaaja joka valmentaa rikkaita pullukoita. Rikas ruokalayrittäjä Victor Pepe Kershaw (Tony Shalhoub) liittyy kerhoon ja kehuskelee varakkuudellaan. Danielilla on korkeat tavoitteet ja Victorin tapaaminen nostaa rimaa entisestään. Aiemmin Daniel kärähti huijattuaan hyväuskoisia asiakkaita roskasijoituksilla. 

Steroideja pumppaavat Daniel ja työtoveri Adrian Doorbal (Anthony Mackie) turhautuvat matalapalkkatöihinsä ja osallistuvat Jonny Wun (Ken Jeong) elämänvalmennusseminaariin. Varmastikin Amerikka on velkaa puolijumalannäköisille tyypeille enemmän kuin vain pennosia. Daniel ja Adrian päättävät ryöstää Victorin. He värväävät myös entisen narkkarin ja linnakundin Paul Doylen (Dwayne "Rock" Johnson) joka ei saa töitä kuin kirkosta. 

Adrianin motiivina on tienata rahaa impotenssin hoitoon tohtori Bjornsonin (Peter Stormare) klinikalla. Paul saa tarpeekseen homopapeista. Ensimmäiset sieppausyritykset epäonnistuvat. Eikä onnistunutkaan yritys mene suunnitelmien mukaan. 

Sotkuiseen juoneen sekaantuvat strippari Sorina (Bar Paly) ja Adrianin hoitajatyttöystävä Robin (Rebel Wilson). Vaikka jengi ei suunnitellut käyttävänsä väkivaltaa, alkaa murhia ja murhayrityksiä kasaantua. Laiskat kytät antavat jengin jatkaa toimintaansa huomaamatta. Yksityisetsivä Ed DuBois III (Ed Harris) alkaa ratkaista tapausta. 

Michael Bayn elokuvaksi tämä on hieman erilainen. Budjetti on pienempi, ilman jättiläisrobotteja, suuria ammuskelukohtauksia eikä maapallokaan räjähdä. Toki tyypilliset ohjaajan tunnusmerkit ovat läsnä, matalat kuvakulmat, hidastukset ja hahmojen ympäri kiertävä kamera. Michael Bay muuntaa todellisen julman murhatapauksen "Fargo"-tyyliseksi mustaksi komediaksi. Uhrien perheet kritisoivat elokuvaa rikollisten kuvaamisesta sympaattisina idiootteina. Kuitenkin Daniel Lugo esitetään selkeästi manipuloivana roistona joka menettää vähätkin sympatiapisteensä alkaessaan tehdä rikoksia. 

Välillä elokuva on kuin katsoisi "Amerikan tyhmimpiä rikollisia." Päähenkilöt jahtaavat Amerikkalaista unelmaa kieroutuneella tavalla. Mieleen tulee myös valkokaulusrikosfilmi "The Wolf of Wall Street." Elokuva on myös satiirinen elämänvalmennusguruja kohtaan, jotka myyvät ylihelppoja ratkaisuja. Paolo Coelho "Alkemistin" motto esitetään perverssillä tavalla: Jos uskon ansaitsevani jotain, kaikkeus antaa sen. ("Kun haluat jotain, koko maailmankaikkeus auttaa sinua saavuttamaan sen." Paulo Coelho, "Alkemisti")

Viihdyttävä ja röyhkeä elokuva joskin tositarinan käyttämisestä jää hyväksikäytön maku suuhun. Näyttelijät vetävät roolinsa sopivasti yli, The Rock varastaa shown uskovaisena ja hermoheikkona huumehörhönä. Tony Shalhoub on loistava pahansisuisena uhrina ja Ed Harris järjen äänenä.

Arvosana: Hyvä

Starring/Rooleissa: Mark Wahlberg, Dwayne Johnson, Anthony Mackie, Tony Shalhoub, Ed Harris, Rob Corddry, Bar Paly, Rebel Wilson, Ken Jeong, Michael Rispoli, Keili Lefkovitz, Emily Rutherfurd, Larry Hankin, Tony Plana, Peter Stormare, Vivi Pineda, Ken Clement, Yolanthe Cabau, Brian Stepanek, Christopher Jestin, Persi Caputo, Bill Kelly, Gregg Weiner, Parris Buckner, Nicholas X. Parsons, Donny Davis, Vivian Ruiz, Jeff Owings, Rushanna Lewis, Richard Haylor, Trudie Petersen, Patrick Bristow, Wladimir Klitschko, Mike Tremont, Holland Hayes, Sabrina Mayfield, Kiki Harris, Choice Gray, Chaz Mena, Carol Kaye, Tyrone Bordon Sr., Lawrence Scott, Jennifer Nicole Lee, Mike Benitez, Cedric DePasquale, Oliver Jay, Rubber Doll, Nikki Benz, Jessica Dykstra, Vannessa Nevader, Andrea Bennetti, Courtney O'Connor, Gwendalyn Barker, Irina Kazakova, Bill Erfurth, Rey Hernandez, Charlie Johnson, Seven Greyhound 
Director/Ohjaaja: Michael Bay

Movie Review: Juan of the Dead

$
0
0
Juan of the Dead (Juan de los Muertos) 
La Zanfoña Producciones, Producciones de la 5ta Avenida, Soundchef Studios Spain, Cuba, 2011. 
Juan of the Dead (Juan de los Muertos)
Juan (Alexis Díaz de Villegas) and Lazaro (Jorge Molina) are two lazy Cuban fishermen. One day they catch a zombie. Apparently the zombie has floated from Guantanamo Bay prison camp. They decide not to speak about the encounter. Lazaro has son Vladi California (Andros Perugorría) who is just as lazy as his dad. Juan's daughter Camila (Andrea Duro) wants to leave for Miami after better life. 
Jorge Molina and Alexis Díaz de Villegas
Lazaro and Juan meet a zombie
Andrea Duro
Camila
Juan and Lazaro spend their free time peeping women and begging for sex. They also do business with stolen car radios. Zombie outbreak starts but the government blames dissidents supported by USA. When neighbour's crippled old man dies and begins to walk, Juan and his friends have to quickly learn zombie killing skills (and also how to dispose the bodies). 
Zombie revolution!
Juan gets an idea how to get rich by killing 'dissidents' for pay. Juan is the veteran of Angolan civil war, 'Cuba's Vietnam' so he knows some combat and survival skills. First objective is to make sure that they do not run out of rum. Lazaro, California, transvestite China (Jazz Vilá) and his muscular but hemophobic boyfriend Primo (Eliecer Ramírez) form Juan's team. 
Jazz Vilá, Eliecer Ramírez, Jorge Molina, Andros Perugorría and Alexis Díaz de Villegas
China, Primo, Lazaro, California and Juan
As the group consist of lowlifes, collateral damage will happen but so what. The chaos is a chance to get rid of old enemies. Seriously, the characters do things their American counterparts would never get away with. They only draw the line at killing cows. 
Camila: "Can't you make a distinction between the good guys and the bad guys?" 
Lazaro: "Girl, in this country it's always been difficult to do that." 
As the business gets too hot and the paying customers get fewer, the team decides to expatriate to Miami. That's where Preacher Jones (Antonio Dechent) can help. Or maybe not. 
Alexis Díaz de Villegas
Bring it on!
The movie goes after "Shaun of the Dead" Caribbean style with more raunchier humour. The humour is macabre, in the style of Peter Jackson's "Bad Taste" or "Braindead". Numerous references to other zombie films are present as well some to "Enter the Dragon." There is even a reference to Lucio Fulci's "Zombie Flesh Eaters" with underwater zombies. However it is much more than just a parody of zombie genre. 

As a Latin horror-comedy it has its own fresh and irreverent style. There is enough gore for fans of zombie flicks. The zombies look brutal, but the zombie effects get a bit more generic towards the end. As there are few firearms in Cuba, most of the combat is performed using melee weapons, machetes, axes, baseball bats and Juan's signature weapon: paddle. There is surprising amount of satire on Cuban society and Castro regime, with many jokes that would require knowledge about Cuba to be fully understood. It is a wonder that the government allowed the production of this film. The characters are a colourful bunch, often stupid and callous but somehow likeable. Towards the end there are also some sentimental moments with some unusual twists. This deserves a status as a cult film. 
Rating: Very good 

Starring: Alexis Díaz de Villegas, Jorge Molina, Andros Perugorría, Andrea Duro, Jazz Vilá, Eliecer Ramírez, Blanca Rosa Blanco, Susana Pous, Antonio Dechent, Eslinda Núñez, Elsa Camp, Pablo Alexandro González Ramy, Juan Miguel Mas, Argelio Sosa, Marisol Egurrola, Diana Rosa Suárez, René de la Cruz Jr., Sandy Marquetti, Luis Alberto García, Olga Lidia Alfonso, Pablo Baena, Vicente Javier Olmedo, Enrique Gadea, Manuel Herrera, Mailyn Domínguez, Ulyk Anello, Zoraida Rosario, Eduardo Armiento, Pavel Giroud, Carlos Massola 
Director: Alejandro Brugués

Shameless Pile Keeps on Growing: Cleaning Day Edition

$
0
0
Cleaning Day (http://siivouspaiva.com/en/) backfired a bit because after the day I had more stuff  than in the beginning. I sold some surplus CDs though.

Here's what I found:

DVDs: Sin, Meltdown: Days of Destruction , 10.5 Earthquake, The Poseidon Adventure (2005), Top Gear: Back in the Fast Lane (The Best of Series 1 & 2), Firestorm, Supernova (2005), Black Eagle, The Monkey King
and some music:
Bal-Sagoth: Atlantic Ascendant (that has some radio-friendly song titles such as "The Splendour of a Thousand Swords Gleaming Beneath the Blazon of the Hyperborean Empire, Part III"  )
Evanescence: The Open Door

Also my plan to get rid of double copies didn't quite work (I was sure I already owned 10.5 Apocalypse instead of 10.5 Earthquake, but it wasn't the case):
Damn it.

Movie Review: Rien à Déclarer (a.k.a Nothing to Declare)

$
0
0
Rien à Déclarer a.k.a Nothing to Declare
Pathé, Les Productions du Ch'timi, TF1 Films Production, Scope Pictures, Canal+, CinéCinéma, Centre National de la Cinématographie, Région Wallone, SCOPE Invest, France, Belgium, 2010.
Rien à Déclarer a.k.a Nothing to Declare
In 1986 Belgian customs officers Ruben Vandevoorde (Benoît Poelvoorde) and Bruno Vanuxem (Bouli Lanners) hear shocking news: the Courquain customs station between France and Belgium is going to be closed. Seven years later the final moments of the border station are at hand. Über-patriotic Ruben gives lazy Bruno a lesson about defending the borders. 
Bouli Lanners
Bruno Vanuxem
Benoît Poelvoorde
Ruben Vandevoorde
French customs officer Mathias Ducatel (Dany Boon) is milder mannered computer specialist. Mathias has fiancée Louise (Julie Bernard) who is Ruben's sister. Problem is that Ruben hates the French people so the relationship must stay secret.
Dany Boon
Mathias Ducatel
Julie Bernard
Louise
Idiotic drug smugglers Monsieur Duval (Laurent Gamelon), Tiburce (Bruno Lochet) and Hammer (Laurent Capelluto) are trying one more operation before the new year. When the relations of Belgium and French customs officers become tense, Mathias and Ruben are assigned to mobile customs unit. The budget of the unit is low and their car is a junk.
Laurent Gamelon
Duval
Bruno Lochet
Tiburce
Mobile customs unit
As there will be less passersby soon, cafeteria owners Irene (Karin Viard) and Jacques (François Damiens) Janus have to sell the business if only someone would be stupid enough to buy it. They become involved in the smuggling plot. Mathias and Ruben must overvome their prejudices, bust the smugglers and Mathias must also convince Louise's family. Easier said than done.
François Damiens and Karin Viard
Jacques and Irene
Patrolling for smugglers
Fun comedy with theme of overcoming national prejudices. The style is quite like French comedies of 1970-80s.  The nice cast of goofy characters makes a good atmosphere. There is also nostalgic humour about 90s technology with big NMT-phones and malfunctioning computers. After the talkative start, the comedy gets more slapstick style when the two officers start patrolling the country roads. Philippe Rombi's music reminds a bit of Danny Elfman or John Williams. The plot goes quite predictable buddy comedy route, but Benoît Poelvoorde's explosive character makes it worth to watch.

Rating: Good

Starring: Benoît Poelvoorde, Dany Boon, Christel Pedrinelli, Karin Viard, Joachim Ledeganck, Philippe Magnan, Julie Bernard, Nadège Beausson-Diagne, Jean-Paul Dermont, Zinedine Soualem, François Damiens, Guy Lecluyse, Bouli Lanners ,Laurent Gamelon, Eric Godon, Bruno Lochet, Olivier Gourmet, Laurent Capelluto, Sylviane Aliet, Bruno Moynot, Jean-Luc Couchard ,Alexandre Carrière, Laurent Sobry, Jérôme Commandeur, David Coudyser, Nicolas Guy, Christophe Rossignon ,Jérôme Seydoux, Sophie Seydoux, Roland Lévy, Corinne Lévy, Jean-Claude Lagniez ,Patrick Vo ,Eliot, Sinead Shannon Roche Director: Dany Boon

Movie Review: RoboCop (2014)

$
0
0
RoboCop (2014) 
Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer, Columbia Pictures, Strike Entertainment, USA, 2014. 
Pat Novak (Samuel L. Jackson) hosts a TV newsmagazine "Novak Elements," that serves as Omnicorp company propaganda outlet. USA is bringing democracy to Iran using ED-209 battle droids. As using droids saves soldiers' lives, why not use them in USA also? Omnicorp boss Raymond Sellars (Michael Keaton) is trying to get droid law enforcement to be allowed in USA but Senator Dreyfus (Zach Grenier) and most of the Senate will not allow completely robotic killing machines to be used. Dr. Dennett Norton (Gary Oldman) is specialist of cybernetic prosthetics. Sellars wants Norton to build a partially human law enforcer. 
Samuel L. Jackson
Pat Novak
Michael Keaton
Raymond Sellars
Alex Murphy (Joel Kinnaman) is a Detroit cop. He is trying to arrest master criminal Antoine Vallon (Patrick Garrow) with his partner Lewis (Michael Kenneth Williams). There is a mole in the police force and they are betrayed. Murphy is severely injured in explosion. The useful parts of Murphy are connected to cybernetic suit and he becomes RoboCop! When Murphy sees how little is left of him (about as much as what is left of the original "RoboCop" movie)  he wants to die but Norton says that his family wants him to live. 
Joel Kinnaman
Alex Murphy
Joel Kinnaman and Aimee Garcia
Scientist Jae Kim (Aimee Garcia) and RoboCop 1.0
Human feelings weaken RoboCop's efficiency so he needs updates. Also the exoskeleton gets a more military style look. Also the criminal records are loaded into the suit. This is a bit stupid, as the addresses of the fugitive criminals are in the databases but no-one has tried to arrest them. 
RoboCop 2.0
ED-209
Anyway, RoboCop starts efficiently clean Detroit's crime statistics but with the loss of his feelings Murphy's family life with his wife Clara (Abbie Cornish) and son David (John Paul Ruttan) suffers. Also it begins to bug Murphy that his attempted murder is still unsolved. 

José Padilha, Brazilian director of "Tropa de Elite" movies has proven to be able to direct tough and gritty movies with social critique. Paul Verhoeven's "RoboCop" was mean, fun, violent and satiric take on corrupt corporate America. The sequels declined steadily and the third movie was terrible. There were also TV-series and an animated series that was aimed at kids. 

The opening of the new "RoboCop" seems that there could be some satire coming. Then the story deteriorates to standard PG-13 action movie. Good actors are mostly wasted as the characters are very generic and dull. Murphy's partner Lewis is changed from woman of the original movie to man, and his role is very small compared to original movies. Kurtwood Smith played the memorable psychopathic villain Boddicker in the original, Vallon is a very generic villain. Omnicorp's droid and weapons expert Rick Mattox (Jackie Earle Haley) is slightly more interesting, but still no match to Boddick.

Samuel L. Jackson's Fox Channel style TV-host is fun for a moment, but can not compare with the silly TV-shows of the original "RoboCop." The few attempts at humour look awkward. There is nothing left of Verhoeven's pitch-black humour or gory violence. Also the satire against droid warfare is weak as the droids work perfectly but are operated by evil men after all. Overall the film looks like a standard Hollywood action picture with some okay action but with as much personality as a plastic bag.
Jackie Earle Haley
Rick Mattox
The production was problematic and Darren Aranofsky's first version of the script was scrapped. Rumouredly Padilha would have wanted to do a different kind of film but the studio eliminated most of his ideas (http://screenrant.com/robocop-remake-director-jose-padilha-controversy-problems/)

Some of the DVD extras are Omnicorp product information video clips. Bet you did not know that ED-209 is eco-friendly and runs on solar power! 

Rating: Average 

Starring: Joel Kinnaman, Gary Oldman, Michael Keaton, Abbie Cornish, Jackie Earle Haley, Michael Kenneth Williams, Jennifer Ehle, Jay Baruchel, Marianne Jean-Baptiste, Samuel L. Jackson, Aimee Garcia, Douglas Urbanski, John Paul Ruttan, Patrick Garrow, K.C. Collins, Daniel Kash, Zach Grenier, Maura Grierson, Stewart Arnott, Matt Cooke, Steve Cumyn, Noorin Gulamgaus, Marjan Neshat, Meysam Motazedi, Khaliya Hosein, Savana Hosein, Philip Akin, Paul Haywood, Adrian Griffin, Rick Hughes ,Raffi Altounian, Melanie Scrofano, Kelvin Wheeler, Alex Mallari Jr., Dwayne McLean, Tattiawna Jones, Wayne Downer, Robert Thomas, Jordan Johnson-Hinds ,Ian Peters, Ricardo Betancourt, Evan Stern, Ishan Morris 
Director: José Padilha

Movie Review: Meltdown: Days of Destruction

$
0
0
Meltdown: Days of Destruction 
Front Street Pictures, PorchLight Entertainment, Molten Street Productions, USA, Canada, 2006. 
Meltdown: Days of Destruction title
Scientists are testing space probe with 10 megaton nuclear bomb that could change the course of Earth-threatening asteroids. Tom the Cop (Casper Van Dien) is stalking his daughter Kim's (Amanda Crew) boyfriend CJ (Ryan McDonell). Kim's mother Bonnie (Venus Terzo), is Tom's ex-girlfriend. CJ is a member of crime gang. 
Casper Van Dien
Tom
Asteroid on collision course
Venus Terzo
Bonnie
While Tom and partner Mick (Greg Anderson) has a shoot-out with bad guys, the space probe explodes but the asteroid only breaks into smaller parts. One part scrapes the atmosphere. Earth's orbit changes and temperature begins to rise. Scientist Nathan predicts that soon it will be so hot that the seas will boil. He tells about it to his reporter sister Carly who is also Tom's girlfriend. 
Vincent Gale
Nathan
Stefanie von Pfetten
Carly
Ryan McDonell and Amanda Crew
CJ and Kim
People are looting and getting heat strokes. Cities start burning and it's every man for themselves. CJ is a good guy after all and he protects Kim. Tom, Carly and the others must go to Arctic areas to survive. Cars explode due the heat at 50 °C (!) Wouldn't the roads and tires at least melt first? Anyway the heroes go into sewers for shelter, but the are populated by bandit mutants (?) Well at least three of them. The makeup is probably meant to present sunburns but they still seem like mutants. Another cop Garner (Bruno Verdoni) joins the group, but with bad intentions. 
Sewer mutant guy
Cheaply made TV-movie that combines disaster movie with extended family drama. The heat does not look as serious as it should, the actors wear long sleeved coats and have only few sweat drops on their forehead. The cities seem to have about five residents. Sometimes the heroes find corpses that seem like leftovers from some zombie film. Because Tom is a cop, we have some shootouts now and then. The ending felt like the scriptwriter just had to make something up. Bad but not fun enough to be cult material.

Rating: Bad

Starring: Casper Van Dien, Vincent Gale, Stefanie von Pfetten, Venus Terzo, Amanda Crew, Ryan McDonell, Greg Anderson, Bill Dow, Patricia Drake, Philip Granger, David Quinlan, Dee Jay Jackson, Donovan Cerminara, Bruno Verdoni, Derek Hamilton, Keith Martin Gordey, Floyd Faircrest, Chad Sayn, Trevor Addie, Kimani Ray Smith, Lars Grant, Ron Robinson, Brad Kelly, Martin Szlavy, Jaye Gazeley, Brett Armstrong, Juan Carlos Velis, Evan Allen 
Director: J.P. Howell

Movie Review: CJ7

$
0
0
CJ7 (Cheung gong 7 hou) 
Columbia Pictures Film Production Asia, Beijing Film Studio, China Film Group, Star Overseas, Hong Kong, China, 2008. 
CJ7 title
Dicky Chow (Jiao Xu who is girl acting as boy) is a poor kid living with his father Ti (Stephen Chow). Ti works hard to pay Dicky's education in elite school. Dicky is bullied at school by Johnny (Huang Lei) and his gang but big girl Maggie (Yong Hua Han) begins to protects him. His father teaches him to be honest and brave so that Dicky can be someday respected member of society. Their housing conditions are much like the ones in Chaplin's "The Kid" and killing cockroaches is fun leisure activity.
Jiao Xu
Dicky Chow
Stephen Chow
Ti
Dicky sees a robot dog and begins to yearn for one. They can not buy the dog because they are poor. UFO has landed in scrap yard where Ti searches for new shoes for the kid. The aliens leave behind a funny green ball. Ti thinks it is a toy and brings it home. The ball starts to act strange and Dicky is scared. The ball is space alien dog CJ7 (the name is a pun of Chinese space rocket Shenzhou 7). Dicky thinks it is sophisticated alien toy dog. CJ7 can turn rotten apples back to fresh and can repair broken things. 
Dicky wants a robot dog
CJ7
Most teachers are harsh but there is nice teacher Miss Yuen (Yuqi Zhang). Dicky tries to use CJ7:s skills to cheat on school tests. He could also be the best athlete ever. As the plot fails Dicky vents his anger on CJ7. Luckily the poor thing has the resiliency of "Flubber." However Dicky later regrets being cruel to CJ7 and they become friends again.
Yuqi Zhang and Lee Sheung Ching
Miss Yuen and Mr. Cao
Chinese comedies are weird. Their mood usually swings wildly from sentimental scenes to surreal action to 'Mo lei tau' (makes no sense) wacky comedy and to tragic moments. "CJ7" alternates between semi-realistic style and cartoon style slapstick, toilet humour and sweet "E.T." style sentimentality. However there are some cultural barriers that may have prevented this from becoming a hit movie in the west. For example the methods for disciplining kids differ from what is nowadays acceptable in the west, in one scene father puts Dicky into a closet for making a racket. Still there is warmth and love between Dicky and his dad, it is just that the culture is different. The film teaches kids the importance of moral, ethics, hard work and love. Being a children's movie and being too weird for an usual family film, "CJ7" flopped in the west. In Asia the movie was a moderate success. And why not, although there are many hit or miss jokes the film is fun and also touching in the end.
Lots of CJ7s
Stephen Chow is undoubtedly one of the highest profile Hong Kong comedy actors and directors. After his films "Shaolin Soccer" and "Kung Fu Hustle" he gained popularity in the west also. Stephen Chow stays bit on the side this time and the real star is talented child actor Jiao Xu.

Rating: Good

Starring: Stephen Chow, Jiao Xu, Lei Huang, Yuqi Zhang (as Kitty Zhang), Chi Chung Lam (as Tze Chung Lam), Shing-Cheung Lee (as Sheung Ching Lee), Wen Xue Yao, Min Hun Fung, Yong Hua Han, Yu Lei, Zhong You Jin, Qian Lin Hu, Yi Ying Cheng, Yi Jia Lao, Hao Yang, Wen Hao Song, Hao Nan Zhu, Gang Hui Zhang, Qing Dong, Hao Hao Chen ,Qian Shen, Jia He Shi, Lu Yang Yu, Hang-Sang Poon, Shun-Yee Yuen 
Director: Stephen Chow
Viewing all 389 articles
Browse latest View live