Shameless Pile of Stuff

The Craft
Columbia Pictures Corporation, Red Wagon Entertainment, USA, 1996.

Sarah Bailey (Robin Tunney) and his family are moving to a new house. Sarah has suicidal tendencies and the moving causes her anxiety. That only worsens on the first day when a homeless man shows his snake. In the new high school she meets three witch girls: Nancy (Fairuza Balk), Bonnie (Neve Campbell) and Rochelle (Rachel True). Sarah is a natural born witch so the girls want her to be the fourth in their circle. Sarah meets also a handsome boy Chris Hooker (Skeet Ulrich) who is a jerk. Or at least that's what the witches say.

Sarah

Rochelle, Bonnie and Nancy

Chris

The other girls have problems too. Mean girl Nancy has alcoholic parents, Rochelle suffers from racism and Bonnie has suffered severe burns. So there is a lot of teen angst. The girls go to forest to chant Earth! Fire! Air! Water! But they are not summoning Captain Planet but ancient god Manos, I mean Manon. Everyone casts a wish. They gain magickal powers but the spells have unintentional consequences and the girls become selfish and cruel. Nancy wants to use the powers of Manon for evil purposes and the balance of good and evil is disturbed. Sarah wants to leave the circle but the other witches won't allow it. However the owner of the occult store Lirio (Assumpta Serna) helps Sarah to find her true powers.

Earth! Fire! Air! Water!

Lirio

The 1990s was a decade when a lot of witches, usually young and attractive ladies, appeared in TV-shows or movies. In the wake of this film followed other more comedy or romantic oriented witchery-themed TV-shows, "Charmed" and "Sabrina the Teenage Witch" being the most obvious examples and also Willow from "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" fits like a glove in the wave of the teenage witches. "The Craft" is darker and feels like a continuation of the legacy of "Carrie" about bullied teen girls going haywire with their paranormal powers combined with "Clueless" style teen girl high school drama. In the 2000s the witchcraft has been mostly been replaced by superpowers with movies such as "Chronicle" carrying the torch. And rumours say that a remake of "The Craft" is planned.

Fairuza Balk is a evil looking goth witch. Her maniacal role makes one think that she would also have been a great Harley Quinn if DC Comics had made a film about Batman's enemies in those days. Robin Tunney's performance is much blander and feels like watching Kristen Steward in "Twilight." Still she grows to be a powerful witch in the end. The other girls are good actors too but in the end they are mainly sidekicks in the match. Skeet Ulrich plays the role of the hunk with a blank stare on his face but at least there is a good reason for that. Although the story goes a bit overboard with the special effects in the end it is a enjoyable and fun teen horror film.

Rating:

Good

Starring: Robin Tunney, Fairuza Balk, Neve Campbell, Rachel True, Skeet Ulrich, Christine Taylor, Breckin Meyer, Nathaniel Marston, Cliff De Young, Assumpta Serna, Helen Shaver, Jeanine Jackson, Brenda Strong, Elizabeth Guber, Jennifer Greenhut, Arthur Senzy, Endre Hules, Mark Conlon, Christine Louise Mills, William Newman, Erin Tavin, Rod Britt, Brogan Roche, Rebecca McLaughlin, Tony Genaro, Janet Rotblatt, Jason Filardi, Karyn J. Dean, Danielle Koenig, Janet Eilber, Esther Scott, Tory Christopher, Holly Marie Combs, Glory Fioramonti, Christian Greenia, John Kapelos, Darin Mangan, Gloria Koehn Straube
Director: Andrew Fleming

Witchcraft a.k.a Witch and Warlock

Vista Street Productions, USA, 1988.

Another film that I picked up for 50 Euro cents. BTW, your Pentagram is upside down.

300 years ago a witch-couple were burned at the stake. In present day Grace Churchill (Anat Topal-Barzilai) and his husband John (Gary Sloan) get a baby, William. Grace's friend Linda Swanson (Deborah Scott) tiptoes around the hospital and for a while the film looks like a comedy. Grace and John move to John's mother's house and everything is nice. Except for scary and mute butler Ellsworth (Lee Kissman).

Grace

Elizabeth

Linda

However happiness will not last as John and his mother Elizabeth (Mary Shelley) are Devil worshippers. Grace begins to see terrible visions. Priest Father James (Alexander Kirkwood) throws up when he sees the baby, that can not be a good sign. Later James gets terrible skin disease and hangs himself. The diary found in the basement reveals that John and Elizabeth are reborn witches who want to turn the baby into Antichrist.

Father James

John

Ellsworth

Low-budget clone of "Rosemary's Baby" was the first of the sixteen part direct to video movie series. In the same year was publisher other film with the same title starring Linda Blair and David Hasselhoff. I haven't seen the other films of the series and the first movie did not make me particularly interested in seeing the rest. If there is any truth in the IMDB ratings sequels didn't get any better than the first. Apparently the series evolved into "Omen" clones and later into "X-Files" of "Angel" clones with gratuitous nudity (nothing like that is here though). I suspect some of the actors appeared under aliases as Mary Shelley and Victoria Ressurection are unlikely real names. The worst sin of the movie is that it is so damn dull. Ominous synthesizer music jumps in all the time and nothing much happens. Except then when some lousy gore scenes appear. The lack of suspense is screaming. Instead we get some Z-grade soap opera as John does not have enough time for his wife. Only Deborah Scott brings some comic relief. Also technically it looks adequate, like a TV-level production.

Most of the actors involved appeared later only in a handful of other films. The director Rob Spera went on to direct more direct to video films and also episodes of "Criminal Minds" and "Army Wives." Origional (sic) screenplay by Jody Savin who has later written scripts for better films such as "Bottle Shock." It is no wonder that many early works of movie professionals are terrible as they are just practicing their skills. What is a wonder is why "Witchcraft" got all those sequels.

In the cover picture Grace has a bad hair day with skull growing from her head.

Rating:

Bad

Starring: Anat Topal-Barzilai, John Stocton as Edward Ross, Mary Shelley, Deborah Scott, Alexander Kirkwood, Lee Kissman, Ross Newton, Charles Grant, Lilian Lane, Karen Michaels, Cynthia Bell, Victoria Ressurection, Ofelia Montano, Steve Decker, Trevor Narom, Sarah Neece, Florence Stone Fevergeon, Lou Starr, Rocco J. Basile, Louis Brill, Blanche Brill, Eliabeth Peterson, Liz Kane, Bandy Stillwell, Jay E. Joyce, Alan Levy, Paul Kowalcyk, Caroline Guyer, Jody Savin, Brett Meehan, Aaron King, Taylor Green, Aquiles Pietri, Bill Shirreffs, Dorothy Brittner, Kristine Crewse, Lori Singman, Kathy May, Jeffry Fox, Rick Roberts, Laura Rosen, Susan Kowalski, Dean Guillies, Moshe Mashiach, David Fox, Ina Matherly, Shay Chan, Wendi Otto, Toni Witt, Erin McCoy, Deborah Spera

Director: Robert Spera

Practical Magic
DiNovi Pictures, Fortis Films, Stargate Studios, Village Roadshow Pictures, Warner Bros., USA, 1998.

Based on Alice Hoffman's novel.

The women of Owens family have been witches for centuries. The villagers have always feared them. Due to a curse the men of the family die young. Mother of Sally and Gillian died of broken heart after their father died so the orphaned girls went to live with their aunts Jet (Dianne Wiest) and Frances (Stockard Channing). There they learned spellcasting. Romantic Sally (Sandra Bullock) fears that her future husband will die so she does not want to fall in love and wishes for a man who can not exist but fate has other plans. Gillian (Nicole Kidman) is more adventurous and travels around the world partying and having fun.

Sally

Gillian

Sally marries apple salesman Michael (Mark Feuerstein) and has two daughters. Michael dies in an accident and Sally gets depressed. Gillian has an aggressive lover Jimmy (Goran Visnjic) and she escapes him to go to comfort Sally. Sally abandons witching and opens a herb shop. Gillian's nasty boyfriend causes problems and abuses Gillian so the sisters accidentally kill him. Oopsy daisy! The sisters try to resurrect him using necromancy and Jimmy returns as a vengeful zombie. They have to kill him again but he does not want to remain dead. Also nice cop Gary Hallet (Aidan Quinn) pops in to ask questions about Jimmy.

Jimmy

Gary

Romantic fantasy drama with two beautiful actresses is a film that has potential to be enjoyable. However the direction is all over the place. The story can not decide if it wants to be romantic drama or horror comedy or murder mystery. The parts do not fit seamlessly and therefore it is not great in any category. The condensation of the novel seems to leave several plot threads loose and unraveled. Some scenes come from nowhere and their importance to the overall story is vague. The ending feels rushed with all too easy solutions. Suddenly the villagers just accept the witches after centuries of hostility. There is some good drama and fun scenes, the actors are wonderful and they have good screen chemistry. But the overall mix has too many lumps to make it go down smooth.

There's a little witch in every woman!

Rating:

Average

Starring: Sandra Bullock, Nicole Kidman, Stockard Channing, Dianne Wiest, Goran Visnjic, Aidan Quinn, Evan Rachel Wood, Alexandra Artrip, Mark Feuerstein, Caprice Benedetti, Annabella Price, Camilla Belle, Lora Anne Criswell, Margo Martindale, Chloe Webb, Martha Gehman, Lucinda Jenney, Cordelia Richards, Mary Gross, Jack Kirschke, Herta Ware, Ellen Geer, Courtney Dettrich, John McLeod, Trevor Duncan, Colby Cochran, Caitlyn Holley, Ken Serratt Jr., Rich Sickler, Jeanne Robinson, Deborah Kancher, Peter Shaw, Caralyn Kozlowski
Director: Griffin Dunne

Bewitched (2005)
Columbia Pictures Corporation, Red Wagon Entertainment USA, 2005.

Based on the 1960s-1970s sitcom with the same name.

This is the second film where Nicole Kidman plays a witch. This time she is Isabel Bigelow who moves to San Fernando Valley to find a husband. Meanwhile hopeless movie star Jack Wyatt (Will Ferrell) needs a big hit or else he becomes a has-been. The studio is filming a remake of "Bewitched" and they need someone to play Samantha. Isabel has a nose for the job so she gets the job. In the series Jack will play her husband Darrin and Iris Smythson (Shirley MacLaine) plays her mother.

Isabel Bigelow

Jack Wyatt

However Jack is in the middle of divorce and career crisis and desperate to boost his career with the series so he tries to take the credit all for himself. It breaks Isabel's heart. So Isabel, Aunt Clara (Carole Shelley) and two non-witch friends Maria (Kristin Chenoweth) and Nina (Heather Burns) cast spells to teach humility to Jack. The spells cause a mess so the best way for Isabel is to try using non-magical means to put Jack into his place.

Maria and Nina

The original "Bewitched" is a series I have wanted to see but I never have had a chance to see although some episodes were shown in Finnish television sometimes in early 2000s. This is not a remake but rather a meta-level interpretation that has something in common with "Return to the Batcave: The Misadventures of Adam and Burt" where the roles and reality were also amusingly mixed. Many of the fans expecting a reboot of the original show were disappointed. However the story does tribute to the original series.

In "Practical Magic" Kidman was a flirty witch, here she is an innocent witch. Hilarity ensues as Isabel tries to learn living among normal people and using home appliances. Will Ferrell does reliable job again as a pompous star. He seems to have some improvised scenes as often is his style. Storywise it goes as romantic comedies usually go but has a nice retro-feeling as in 50s- or 60s-comedies. It is often quite silly film, but good natured, cute and cheery.

Michael Caine appears as Isabel's dad Nigel who appears when you least expect him and Steve Carell as Uncle Arthur.

Nigel

Rating:

Good

Starring: Nicole Kidman, Will Ferrell, Shirley MacLaine, Michael Caine, Jason Schwartzman, Kristin Chenoweth, Heather Burns, Jim Turner, Stephen Colbert, David Alan Grier, Michael Badalucco, Carole Shelley, Steve Carell, Katie Finneran, James Lipton, Conan O'Brien, Amy Sedaris, Richard Kind, Ken Hudson Campbell, P.J. Byrne, Carole Androsky, Annie Mumolo, Andrew Friedman, Clay Bravo, Heather Maristella, Jonathan T. Floyd, Ed McMahon, Alison MacInnis, Bridget Brno, Dana Daurey, Dorie Barton, Katie Carroll, Jennifer Elise Cox, Laura Sorenson, Brittany Krall, Dawn Ashley Cook, Julia Decker, Abbey McBride, Jennifer Hall, Roxanne Beckford, Hugh Davidson, Joe Zymblosky, J.J. Sacha, Susan Chuang, Jordan Black, Mo Rocca, Jason George, Wendi McLendon-Covey, Julie Claire, TL Savage, Dianne Dreyer, Kate Walsh, Valerie Azlynn, Jarrad Paul, Victor Williams, Liesel Staubitz, Ruby Rose Skotchdopole, Molly Gordon, Nick Lachey

Director: Nora Ephron

The Sorcerer's Apprentice

Walt Disney Pictures, Jerry Bruckheimer Films, Saturn Films, Broken Road Productions, Junction Entertainment, USA, 2010.

Merlin's apprentice Balthazar (Nicolas Cage) wages an eternal war against evil. Evil witch Morgana (Alice Krige) gains the spell to raise undead. Balthazar captures Morgana in a matryoshka doll along with good sorceress Veronica (Monica Bellucci) and begins searching for Merlin's successor. Young Dave (Jake Cherry) finds Balthazar's magic shoppe and accidentally frees evil sorcerer Horvath (Alfred Molina). Then both of the sorcerers end up in a pot. The accident makes Dave seem like a freak in front of the other kids.

Balthazar

Dave

Becky

Ten years later Dave (Jay Baruchel) is a science geek specializing in the use of Tesla coils. He meets his childhood's love Becky (Teresa Palmer) who now hosts a radio show. The sorcerers jump out from the urn and both of them begin to search for Dave, it is a kind of a bad Terminator and a good Terminator style situation. Dave and Balthazar must find the doll before Horvarth can free the baddies. And in no time the sorcerers are causing a ruckus in Chinatown. Balthazar begins to train Dave, but Dave's romance with Becky distracts him. Horvath also recruits a stage magician Drake Stone (Toby Kebbell) as his sidekick. Not surprisingly Dave must get over his insecurities, save the world and get the girl.

Horvath

Drake Stone

I see faces!

As Disney nowadays often makes reinterpretations of its classic animations, "The Sorcerer's Apprentice" is a spiritual successor of one of "Fantasia's" segments. Dave casts spells to clean up his lab just as Mickey Mouse did and the consequences are the same. This was a collaboration of Bruckheimer's studio and Disney so this is close to the "National Treasure" movies that means having special effects laden adventure with family friendly humour. It is okay family fun although it is a bit darker than let's say for example "Enchanted". Nicolas Cage is surprisingly reined in here, and does not have really weird moments. Except that this is one of his funny hair movies and his hair is only slightly shorter than in "Con Air." Basically it is an okay middle-of-the-road fantasy adventure but not much classic material can be seen here.

Ian McShane is the uncredited Narrator. Special effects by Asylum. Obs! Not The Asylum!

Rating:

Average

Starring: Nicolas Cage, Jay Baruchel, Alfred Molina, Teresa Palmer, Toby Kebbell, Omar Benson Miller, Monica Bellucci, Alice Krige, Jake Cherry, James A. Stephens, Gregory Woo, Wai Ching Ho, Jason R. Moore, Robert Capron, Peyton List, Sándor Técsy, Marika Daciuk, Nicole Ehinger, Adriane Lenox, Ethan Peck, Manish Dayal, Oscar A. Colon, Joe Lisi, William Devlin, Victor Cruz, Melissa Gallagher, Parisa Fitz-Henley, Brandon Gill, Henry Yuk, Jordan Johnston, Izuchukwu Mozie, Amit Soni, Maha Chehlaoui, Adria Baratta, Rosie Moss, Ian Alda Director: Jon Turteltaub

The Finnish department store chain Anttila (and Kodin Ykkönen that was related to it) went bankrupt in July 2016. It is sad because a big part of Finnish commercial history is lost forever and also several jobs. It was a good place to buy movies, electronics music and household goods. It is not the first time there is a clearance sale as Anttila closed its stores in Turku 2014, but reopened in May 2016 with new ownership. It did not survive much longer after that. Despite all the gloom, there have been good opportunities to make cheap finds from the clearance sale (again). My wallet hurts.

Here is some of my loot from the sales during the last two months. Not included here is the box of DVDs (including The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies Extended Edition and a bunch of Finnish classic movies) that got stuck in the warehouse when the bankrupty was declared, although I got it later.

First some various items:

Slippers (no, my shoe size is not 44, but this size was the most comfortable), 6A and 20A fuses, Excellent Houseware lunch box with cooling element, Playmobil® Scientist with a hoverboard and a Playmobil® Knight with steel boxing gloves. Roll of Kodin Ykkönen stickers because why not.

DVDs:
TV shows, scifi, horror and some drama

Downton Abbey Complete Series with extras (I got some of the seasons already but this was cheaper than buying the rest individually) , Silicon Valley Seasons 1-2, Jouko Turkka's Kiimaiset Poliisit (Horny Policemen, not porn but a *very* unconventional cop show), Breaking Bad spinoff Better Call Saul Season 1, Gotham Season 1, Lake Placid vs Anaconda, Poltergeist (remake), The Forest, The Revenant, Curve, Night Visions Scary Fun Box (Bad Biology, Stitches, Chop), Burning Wheels Box (Closer to the Edge, Bensaa suonissa a.k.a Gas in the Veins, Two-Lane Blacktop, The Doom Generation, Rubber), Outpost 37, Zoolander No. 2, Mika Kaurismäki's Tyttökuningas (The Girl King), Leviathan, Halo The Fall of Reach.

Comedy, animations, action and more TV-shows:

The X-Files Event Series, Good Cop vs Bad Cop Box (Evidence, Verso, Saigon, Maniac Cop, Sinners and Saints), Strangerland, Straight Outta Compton, Michael Bay's 13 Hours The Secret Soldiers of Benghazi, Helix Season 2 (I don't have the first season), Get Santa, Hotel Transsylvania 2, Kung Fu Panda 3, Shaolin The Most Spectacular Live Kung Fu Show of the Year, stop-motion film Anomalisa, Ricki And the Flash, Ted 2, Shameless Seasons 1-3.

CDs:
Mainly heavy metal, schlager and old rock 'n' roll

Kaikkien aikojen tanssiorkesterit (Finnish dance bands & schlager music), Symhony X: Underworld, classic jazz Ella & Louis: The Complete Anthology, Progressive Rock Box Set, Nile: At the Gates of Sethu, Children of Bodom: I Worship Chaos, Holy Grail: Ride the Void, Hammerfall: (r)Evolution,
Martti Servo & Napander: Kestävällä pohjalla (Finnish humoristic schlager), Stig: Stig, Suomi Kantri (Finnish Country music), Re-Machined Tribute to Deep Purple's Machine Head, Fast & Furious 40 Cuts of Cool Cars, Crazy Cats & Cruising, Awolnation: Megalithic Symphony,
Shava: Langaton yhteys (Finnish Bhangra, really!), Halloween Music from the Dark Side (with Radiohead, Kate Bush and Talking Heads), The Best of Horror 75 Original Horror Favourites (lots of horror themed rock 'n' roll and novelty songs), Damien Rice: O, Volbeat: Seal the Deal & Let's Boogie, Kylie: The Abbey Road Sessions.

Kiki's Delivery Service (Majo no takkyûbin) (2014)

Being, D.N. Dream Partners, Edko Films, Kadokawa, Kinoshita Komuten, Kodama Printing, Nippon Television Network, Oricon, Studio3, Toei Company, Yomiuri Shimbun, Yomiuri Telecasting Corporation, Japan, China, 2014.

Based on the novel by Eiko Kadono (unfortunately the English translations are either sold out or cost an arm and leg).

Thirteen year old witch-girl Kiki (Fûka Koshiba) must leave home and live one year among normal people. So Kiki and talking cat Jiji move into a small island village. She gets a temporary housing at Osono's (Machiko Ono) and Fukuo's (Hiroshi Yamamoto) bakery. Kiki starts a delivery service that has a bad start as the village kids and grumpy inventor boy Tombo (Ryōhei Hirota) only want to see the witch fly. Not until after doing a job for perky laundry shop owner Sumire (Yo Yoshida) the villagers become interested in the delivery service. Kiki meets also a singer Takara Kami (Yuri) who has lost her will to sing.

Kiki and Jiji

Osono and Fukuo (at background)

Sumire's laundry shop

Kiki delivers the packages and everything seems fine. When little hippo Maruko falls ill zookeeper Nazuru (Hirofumi Arai) blames the witch. Kiki gets depressed and loses her flying ability. But Kiki's friends still believe in Kiki and help her to regain her self-confidence.

Takara Kami

Maruko

Studio Ghibli made a classic anime about the same story in 1989 with Hayao Miyazaki. It is quite unfair to compare the live action film with the anime as the both films have enough differences to make them frrl like different stories although the original source is the same. Even if it was an adaptation of the anime it would still be one of the better ones. The starting point and the structure of the story are the same but the struggles Kiki goes through have different reasons and many characters are different than in the anime. Most crucial difference is that in the anime version Kiki temporarily lost her powers due artist's block and regains them when he must save Tombo. In the live action film the reason is more dramatic as she loses her skills because people are cruel to her and unjustly accuse her for being an evil witch. It is a growing-up story where Kiki must remember what she wants to be and also learn that she can not please everyone. Although the main characters are older than the characters they are performing, the casting of Fûka Koshiba is well-made and she has got the character of Kiki right with right amount of spunkiness and optimism. Ryōhei Hirota as Tombo does not speak much but makes his character interesting through his gestures that slowly make him the friend of Kiki. The live action version is a nice and colourful children's movie, not as masterpiece as the anime version but generally pleasant and nice interpretation of Kadano's stories.

Tombo

The director of the film, Takashi Shimizu, is more known for being a horror director, Ju-On The Grudge- series being the most well known in the West. Although being out of character as a children movie director, there is nothing to complain. It is still hard to believe it is the work of director of "Ju-On" when you watch the bright-coloured and cute story.

Tadanobu Asano, known for many Japanese films such as Zatoichi (2003), Gohatto and Lupin III (2014), appears as veterinarian Dr. Ishi.

Dr. Ishi

Rating:

Good

Starring: Tadanobu Asano, Rie Miyazawa, Machiko Ono, Hiroshi Yamamoto, Fûka Koshiba, Minako Kotobuki, Miho Kanazawa, Michitaka Tsutsui, Miki Hayashida, Ryohei Hirota, Misato Shimizu, LiLiCo, Yo Yoshida, Hirofumi Arai, Yuri, Kirato Wakayama, Suzuko Hara, Fukiko Hara

Director: Takashi Shimizu

Maleficent

Roth Films, Walt Disney Pictures, USA, UK, 2014.

Young fairy girl Maleficent (Isobelle Molloy) lives in peaceful fairyland of Moors. Young boy Stefan (Michael Higgins) tries to steal a jewel but he steals Maleficent's heart instead. When Stefan (Sharlto Copley) grows up he becomes ambitious and forgets Maleficent. King Henry (Kenneth Cranham) starts a war against the fairies. Maleficent (Angelina Jolie) and the elves fight back and drive away the humans. Stefan wants to be the next king so he betrays Maleficent. Stefan gets the princess and the kingdom. Maleficent grows bitter and wants revenge.

Young Maleficent

Maleficent

Stefan

When Princess Aurora is born three amusingly inept fairies (Lesley Manville, Imelda Staunton, Juno Temple) bring gifts to her. Maleficent crashes the party and casts the Sleeping Beauty- curse. What then happens is quite different than in the original story. The three fairies raise Aurora but actually it is Maleficent and her raven Diaval (Sam Riley) who protect the child Aurora from hurting herself until the curse can take its place. When getting to know Aurora (Elle Fanning) better Maleficent wants to cancel the curse but it is already too late.

Aurora

Juno Temple, Imelda Staunton and Lesley Manville

Thistletwit, Knotgrass and Flittle

Diaval and Maleficent

Reinterpretation of "Sleeping Beauty" is a charming fairy tale that makes an interesting twist to the well-known story. It is something Tim Burton could have made on his best days. The strongest role is Angelina Jolie's who ranges from wounded brave warrioress to mischievous evil witch to compassionate godmother. She is absolutely great and steals the show. The other actors do their best but are mainly supporting actors to Jolie's show. King Stefan becomes a Macbethian lunatic and Aurora is a sweet princess. The tone goes very emotional without forgetting humoristic reliefs obviously from the goofy three fairies but also dead-pan mirth from the raven-dude. It gives a good background story and motivation for one of the classic Disney villains, and also an alternative view of what happened. In the Disney style the fairyland has a population of happy and cute little creatures but also bigger and scarier creatures. It was also great how the bright and happy fantasy land turned darker when the curse was set. The effects are on par of the fantasy movie standard that "Lord of the Rings" has set, and so far it goes that couple of the wood fairies look like Ents. I also liked Lana Del Rey's version of "Once Upon a Dream" in the end.

Wood fairy

Rating:

Very good

Starring: Angelina Jolie, Elle Fanning, Sharlto Copley, Lesley Manville, Imelda Staunton, Juno Temple, Sam Riley, Brenton Thwaites, Kenneth Cranham, Sarah Flind, Hannah New, Isobelle Molloy, Michael Higgins, Ella Purnell, Jackson Bews, Angus Wright, Oliver Maltman, Gary Cargill, John O'Toole, Harry Attwell, Anthony May, James Hicks, Stephan Chase, Mark Caven, Chris Leaney, Jamie Maclachlan, Shaun Smith, Vivienne Jolie-Pitt, Eleanor Worthington-Cox, John Macmillan, Tim Treloar, Peter G. Reed, Marama Corlett, Liam McKenna, Steven Cree, Janet McTeer

Director: Robert Stromberg

Salem Witch Trials
Alliance Atlantis Communications, Spring Creek Productions, Canada, USA, 2002.

In 1691 the winter has been harsh and Indians are restless. Small Puritan colony in Salem has a fire. Annie Putnam (Katie Boland) is traumatized when her mother Anne (Kirstie Alley) gives birth to a dead baby for the third time. Anne is depressed by losing the babies and does not know what sin she has done. The villagers suspect that evil forces are causing the accidents. Thomas Putnam (Jay O. Sanders) supports a fanatic priest Samuel Parris (Henry Czerny) who is whipping the sin out of the villagers. Samuel's wife Elizabeth (Rebecca De Mornay) is ill. Stubborn and zealous Putnams and Walcotts have a feud with more liberal-minded and business-oriented Porters and Proctors.

Rev. Samuel Parris and Elizabeth Parris (Rebecca De Mornay)

Thomas Putnam

Anne Putnam

As church won't help Anne, she asks help from Herbalist Bridget Bishop (Shannon Lawson) who is thought to be a witch. Annie sees them meet and gets a hysteric fit and barks like a dog. Previously she saw young William Proctor (David Christo) imitating birds (that was considered unnatural!) so her behaviour was caused by this and the religious stress.

Rebecca Nurse

Israel Porter

Tituba

Joseph Putnam (Zachary Bennett) wants to marry Lizzy Porter (Kristin Booth). Her father Israel Porter (Colin Fox) is in shipping business and accepts the marriage. Joseph is the half-brother of Thomas and Thomas opposes the marriage. Joseph presses Reverend Parris to enforce Puritanism and purge the unclean. Secretly Parris has hots for his Indian slave Tituba (Gloria Reuben) who is the nanny of family's daughter Betty (Elana Shilling) and her cousin Abigail Williams (Sophie Bennett). Tituba is also a fortune teller so that makes her suspicious. Young girls get hysterical so it must be the work of the Devil. The girls blame various villagers for practicing witchcraft. Witch trials are organized to save the village. Not even everybody's pious friend Rebecca Nurse (Shirley MacLaine) is safe from the accusations. Witchfinders Increase Mather (Heinar Pillar) and William Stroughton (Peter Ustinov) arrive to conduct the trial. Scientifically oriented Governor Phips (Alan Bates) has his doubts about the validity of the trial. Thomas Putnam is a professional complainer and many of the accused are his opponents but the Governor is not interested in questioning the religious folks. Twenty villagers are hanged and more are imprisoned.

William Stroughton

Loveless village and oppressive religion probably caused the psychiatric symptoms of the village children and some acted like possessed to gain attention. It has also been suggested that poisonous alkaloid producing ergot-fungi poisoned rye and caused the hallucinations and convulsions of some of the "possessed." The fungus explanation is actually vaguely hinted in one scene. The paranoid atmosphere gave Porters an opportunity to get rid of their political opponents and sexual frustrations and fanaticism of Parris helped to fuel the accusations. There is a film "Crucible" made of the topic, that is more focused on the girls and the trial. "Crucible" was based on Arthur Miller's play that combined Salem's history with an allegory of McCarthy's communist hunts in the 1950s. The mini-series goes deeper into the historic explanations of tensions in the village. "Salem Witch Trials" seems more historically accurate although it has also taken some artistic liberties.

It has good actors and a powerful story about one of the darkest moments in American history. Perhaps the most strongest performances are from Kirstie Alley, as Tom Putnam's wife, who overcomes her superstitions begins to see the real reasons behind the witch hunt and from Shirley MacLaine who finds her own version of religion. Peter Ustinov is also great in one of his last roles. If there is something to complain it is the bad special effects happening in the first few minutes.

Rating:

Very good

Starring: Kirstie Alley, Henry Czerny, Gloria Reuben, Jay O. Sanders, Kristin Booth, Katie Boland, Alan Bates, Rebecca De Mornay, Peter Ustinov, Shirley MacLaine, Shannon Lawson, Colin Fox, Camille Wainwright, David Hemblen, Susan Coyne, Nadia Litz, Dixie Seatle, Zachary Bennett, Bradley Reid, Tannis Burnett, Sophie Bennett, Elana Shilling, Amy Stewart, Mairon Bennett, Marisa McIntyre, Sarah Kanter, Nancy Beatty, Tabitha Lupien, Megan Bower, Jackie Laidlaw, Nicky Guadagni, David Christo, Cara Pifko, Hannah Lochner, Linda Prystawska, Arlene Mazerolle, Desmond Ellis, Heinar Pillar, Irene Poole, Adrian Hough, Lindsay Collins, Julian Richings, Chris Benson, Philip Sheperd, Aron Tager, Anne Anglin, Tom Bishop, Anne Page, Tammy Isbell, Paulette Sinclair, Oliver Becker, Araby Lockhart, Jean Daigle, Ned Vukovic, John Watson, Valerie Boyle, Bill Lake, Scotty Cook, Jim Feather, Ken Kramer, Sheldon Yamkovy, Clyde Whitham, Maggie Blake, Sally Clelford, Jason Sharman

Director: Joseph Sargent

Da Hip Hop Witch

Barnholtz Entertainment, Raging Nation Films, Mogal Productions, Flutie Entertainment, USA, 2000.

What did I pay for this film? 50 Cents naturally.

'The Black Witch of the Projects' attacks the rap stars. It looks like a beautiful woman but turns later into a freakish monster. A very bad groupie probably. The rap producers offer ten million dollars for capturing the witch. Five white kids from Salem with Will (Dale Resteghini) as their leader travel to NYC and try to blackmail rap moguls. Street Don (La the Darkman) makes a bad deal with Big Z (Elijah Rhoades) who wants to take over his company. Street Don gets actually murdered at some point. Ghetto homeboys want to whack the witch. Mr Krump (David Scott Klein) the media mogul wants a good spoof so that means job for tabloid reporter Miss Josephine (Sherrita Duran). Her new secretary Dee Dee Washington (Stacii Jae Johnson) suspects that the witch is only a story told to boost record sales. Whatever. Nothing of that matters.

Eminem as himself

Will (Dale Resteghini)

Dee Dee Washington

So what we have one and a half hours (that feels like 12 hours) of detached scenes of rappers talking dirty and smoking weed, gangstas blustering and idiots cruising on the streets. At least the director knows a lot of rappers as numerous stars including Eminem, Ja Rule, Pras, Mobb Deep, Vitamin C, Rah Digga and Vanilla Ice(!) appear as themselves in endless series of interviews where they tell about their incoherent encounters with the witch. Especially Eminem gets extremely tiresome when he repeats and repeats and repeats (AAAARGH!) the story about how he went to some party in hope of getting free drugs and ended up being molested by the witch (and revealing something about his sexual fetishes that we really didn't want to know).

Ice Ice Baby

Professor X

Big Z

The movie is shot with handheld cameras in faux documentary style (= it looks like crap). It looks as if the cameramen were just as stoned as the rappers. Frankly, most home movies look better than this. Plotwise (when it finally gets going in the last twenty minutes) it is a rough parody of 'Blair Witch Project' and one of the terrible ripoffs that tried to piggyback on the popularity of the original.

Just Cruisin'

I have seen some bottom-of-the-barrel hip hop/gangsta movies (for example "The Wrecking Crew" and "Hood Angels") but this one is more like a hole in the barrel. If I someday make a list of worst hip hop films, this will rank in the top positions.

The movie was made just before Eminem's big break. It was so terrible that he wanted his scenes removed from the film. However the demands were overruled. To add to the insult the distributor Artisan Entertainment inserted a big picture of him in the VHS and DVD covers. Just about the only good thing about it is that it kinda works as an anti-drug education. Don't do drugs or you may agree to appear in films like this.

Stay away from Da Hip Hop Witch!

Rating:

Very bad

Starring: Eminem, Ja Rule, Pras, Vanilla Ice, Rah Digga, Mobb Deep, Charli Baltimore, Dale Resteghini, Steve Grillo, William Harbour, Amy Dorris, Mia Tyler, Spliff Starr, Stacii Jae Johnson, Vitamin C, Benzino, Jonathan Martin, Rock, Michelle Bernard, David Scott Klein, Sherrita Duran, Elijah Rhoades, Tony Prendatt, Namakula the Goddess, La the Darkman, Afu Ra, Professor X, Charlene Quashie, Culver Casson, Jolene Vettese, Pamela Schamberge, Dina Herdigein, Deborah Rigaud, Lucien Taylor, Raven Davis, Beverly Peele, Killah Priest, Royce 5'9", The Outsidaz, Severe, Hell Razah, Dyme, The Cella Dwellas, Lord Jamar, Lidu Rock, Deuce Dutch, 44 Fiedel, Dani Girl, Ill One, Jo Jo, Made Men, 803, Makeba Mooncycle, TC, Diezzle Don, Rhytm Trip, Northstar & Deniro, Chris Simmons, Hangmen 3, Sci, reg reg, Eric Rhea, Parker Holt, Jordan Ashley
Director: Dale Resteghini

The Witches of Eastwick

Warner Bros., Guber-Peters Company, Kennedy Miller Productions, USA, 1987.

In a small town of Eastwick three women are more or less bored of their lives. Alexandra Medford (Cher) is a struggling ceramic artist. Sukie Ridgemont (Michelle Pfeiffer) is an overworked reporter and a housewife with million kids. Jane Spofford (Susan Sarandon) is a reserved music teacher who gets unwanted attention from Principal Walter (Keith Jochim). In a school celebration the rain interrupts Walter's boring speech. Funnily all three women wished for the same thing. All women wish to meet a mysterious stranger. And lo, that's what they get.

Oops, not that guy.

Daryl Van Horne (Jack Nicholson) moves into the town. Daryl's arrogance and vulgarity sweeps the ladies off their feet. The trio spends time in Daryl's mansion talking about life, sex and Daryl shows magick tricks. Gossips spread in the small town and the women get a bad reputation. Ultra-religious Felicia Alden (Veronica Cartwright) becomes their sworn enemy, but not for long as she dies in a freaky homicide. All three women get pregnant and Daryl may be the Devil himself. Unable to escape him, the women use Daryl's black magick against him with bizarre consequences.

Sukie, Alex and Jane

Daryl Van Horne

Horror comedy directed by George 'Mad Max' Miller is not one of his best but still fun. It is a strange film, partially it feels like a light sex comedy before taking direction towards Exorcist-style gross-out humour and later it evolves into creepy horror. There are some similarities with "Rocky Horror Picture Show." Susan Sarandon turns from shy girl to sex bomb, there is a weird mansion where the visitors loose their inhibitions and even a Riff Raff (minus the hair) look-alike Fidel (Carel Struycken). Well, it's not a musical and Jack doesn't wear a corset.

Richard O'Brien Carol Struycken lookalikes

Jack Nicholson does a memorably devilish role and it must have been good training for the role of the Joker couple of years later. The main trio is entertaining and the dialogue is good. Still the special effects in the end feel overdone, and leave the feeling of what did I just watch? Soundtrack by John Williams nicely creates playfully magical feeling, and he was nominated for an Oscar for the best original score.

Rating:

Good

Starring: Jack Nicholson, Cher, Susan Sarandon, Michelle Pfeiffer, Veronica Cartwright, Richard Jenkins, Keith Jochim, Carel Struycken, Helen Lloyd Breed, Caroline Struzik, Michele Sincavage, Nicol Sincavage, Heather Coleman, Carolyn Ditmars, Cynthia Ditmars, Christine Ditmars, Craig Burket, Abraham Mishkind, Christopher Verrette, Becca Lish, Ruth Maynard, Lansdale Chatfield, Carole White, Babbie Green, Jane A. Johnston, Merrily Horowitz, Harriet Medin, Margot Dionne, James Boyle, John Blood, Ron Campbell, Eugene Boles, Corey Carrier, Kate Barret, Dan Edson, Anthony Falco, Kevin Goodwin, Tara Halfpenny, David Hazel, Melanie Hewitt, Matt Kane, Anne Lindgren, Jessica MacDonald, Corinna Minnar, Scott Nickerson, Stephen Oakes, Ann Senechal, James Staunton, Amy Warner, Jeff Beery, Grenville Cuyler, Robin Eddins, Kevin Fennessy

Director: George Miller

Beautiful Creatures (2013)
Alcon Entertainment, Belle Pictures, Warner Bros. Entertainment, USA, 2013.

Based on novel by Kami Garcia and Margaret Stohl.

Smalltown boy Ethan Wate (Alden Ehrenreich) has a recurrent nightmare of following a girl and then dying. Gatlin is a boring and ultra-religious place and Ethan wants something else so he reads books to dream about faraway places. Unfortunately most books in the town are banned. He has a pretty but dull and bigoted girlfriend Emily (Zoey Deutch). New mysterous girl Lena (Alice Englert) arrives to school. Her ancestors are rumoured to be devil worshippers. When Lena's car brokes down, Ethan gives her a lift to her home. Lena recommends Charles Bukowski's books to Ethan (how charmingly decadent!). However the towners are certain that Lena's arrival means that something evil is happening.

Ethan

Lena

Savannah (Tiffany Boone) and Emily

Ethan wants to know Lena better. Lena lives with her uncle Macon Ravenwood (Jeremy Irons) who writes books that the towners want to ban. Macon does not like that Lena is seeing a mortal boy. Also Librarian Amma (Viola Davis) warns Ethan about the girl. Weird stuff happens.

Macon

Amma

Weird stuff happens.

Actually the weird stuff is magic related, lightning storms arise, dining table turns into a merry-go-round and a cartoon-like mini-cloud rains on Ethan. Lena's family are Casters (politically correct version of witches). They also bake tasty cookies (no, really!).

Mmm. Tasty cookies

Ethan thinks it is cool (the spell casting part that is). Lena's family is not evil, but Macon's half-sister Sarafine (Emma Thompson) is. The Casters have to follow either Light or Dark path (hello Star Wars!) when they turn sixteen and a curse prevents them from freely choosing their path. Lena's cousin Ridley (Emmy Rossum) turned wicked and Lena fears that she will too. The curse can be avoided but with a heavy price.

Sarafine

Ridley

Teen fantasy film is quite entertaining with a nice touch of Southern Gothic with Civil War reenactments and shady Louisiana forests. Although it represents the same supernatural teen romance genre as "Twilight" it manages to avoid being overly sappy (although there is still plenty of teen soap opera) and it has a bit more edge with less puritanic characters than in Twilight. It has some nice literary references and encourages reading challenged books. Also there is a running joke about wrongly spelled movie titles. However it is not perfect and has some serious flaws. At some points it feels that it is making heavy short cuts and leaving something out of the book (which I haven't read). Some sideplots were suddenly abandoned and for example the book banning plot had little to do with the actual conclusion. There are numerous characters that we are getting too little information about. Who are all these people? Ridley is depicted as Siren, are the other Casters also mythological creatures? The middle point where Lena is reading a grimoire wastes too much time and the story grinds to halt. The finale was still quite interesting and the target audience of young adult fantasy stories should be happy. What is nice that the visual style looks good and acting is great. Jeremy Irons and Emma Thompson and always good and Emma Rossum was a good femme fatale. The young actors are have good chemistry and probably have shining careers in the future.

Civil War reenactment has an important role in the story.

For some reason the Finnish DVD added random Swedish words into the subtitles.

This is the last of the witch themed movie reviews for now. Next time something else.

Rating:

Average

Starring: Alden Ehrenreich, Alice Englert, Jeremy Irons, Viola Davis, Emmy Rossum, Thomas Mann, Emma Thompson, Eileen Atkins, Margo Martindale, Zoey Deutch, Tiffany Boone, Rachel Brosnahan, Kyle Gallner, Pruitt Taylor Vince, Robin Skye, Randy Redd, Lance E. Nichols, Leslie Castay, Sam Gilroy, Cindy Hogan, Gwendolyn Mulamba, Cole Burden, Billy Wheelan, Christopher Darby, Bryan Adrian, Camille Balsamo, Tim Bell, John R. Bennett II, Camille Blouin, Noelle Boggio, Colby Boothman, Beau Brasseaux, Cameron M. Brown, Edward J. Clare, Lindsay Clift, Jacob Coco, Milton Crosby, Erika Erica, J.D. Evermore, Lucy Faust, Andrea Frankle, Emily D. Haley, Charles Hunt, John C. Klein, Cynthia LeBlanc, Elton LeBlanc, Ryan Chase Lee, Wanda Leigh, Ada Michelle Loridans, Jamie Mackey, Treston Miles, Jeffery Nowell, Philippe Radelet, Erin Rementer, Codie Rimmer, Annette Doucet Sharpe, Russ Skains, Kay Smith, Jim Sojka, Jordan Sudduth, Nathan Alan Thomas, Jackie Tuttle, Joseph Uzzell, Justine Wachsberger, Julia Faye West, Rachel G. Whittle, Teri Wyble

Director: Richard LaGravenese

For Y'ur Height Only a.k.a For Your Height Only

Liliw Films International, Philippines, 1981.

As ...noir has arrived to "For Your Eyes Only" in his James Bond Marathon (texts in Finnish) let's check also something similar but still quite different produced in the same year.

In 1981 Imelda Marcos wanted to host an international film festival. In Manila International Film Festival she planned to showcase the best and most artistic Filipino movies. The foreign movies shown in the festival were for example critically acclaimed "Gallipoli", "The French Lieutenant's Woman" and "Body Heat." Of the Filipino films, however, what got most of the attention was a cheaply made midget spy film starring 2' 9" tall martial artist Weng Weng. The construction of the film center itself was a disaster of an incredible scale causing the death of several building workers and caused a scandal later.

I can only guess that the producers got the idea after watching "The Man With the Golden Gun" and thinking what it would be like to make a James Bond knock-off with Nick Nack as the hero. In Philippines other James Bond imitations were produced too: "G-2", that started a series of sixteen Agent X44-films and "James Bone Agent 001." Without the unique main character "For Y'ur Height Only" would have been one of the many forgettable Bond-clones. Weng Weng became a mascot of Philippines and he was made into an honourary Secret Agent. Sadly his fame was short-lived, his working conditions were poor and he died in poverty in 1992. There is an interesting documentary made in 2007 about his life and movies, "The Search for Weng Weng." More about it later.

Professor Kohler (Mike Cohen) travels to Manila and is instantly kidnapped by Mr. Giant. Mr. Giant wants the plans for the N-Bomb. Weng or Agent 00 (Weng Weng) working for the Forces of Good has to interrupt chilling with bikini babes and start doing what he is paid for. By coincidence Weng saves Lola (Yehlen Catral) whom the baddies (they even call themselves baddies) want dead. Weng and Lola go after crime lord Columbus (Max Alvarado) who looks like Asian Harvey Keitel. After Lola's problems are solved and a bald headed goon is dead Weng continues adventures with undercover agent Irma (Beth Sandoval) who has infiltrated Columbus' gang. I presume that the bald guy was a character named Jack performed by Ruben Ramos as in the sequel "The Impossible Kid" he was performing a role of bald-headed goon named Abdul. Oddly it looks as if some reels are in wrong order as Jack's death is referenced much later.

Agent 00

Professor Kohler

Lola

00 gets useful gadgets from his boss (Tony Ferrer): a medallion with walkie-talkie, a ring for detecting poison, dart shooting pen, belt buckle with cutting tools and X-ray glasses for seeing under women's clothes. The gadgets are similar to Bond's usual equipment but there are also gadgets inspired by Rosa Klebb's knife-shoe and Oddjob's hat with a remote control.

Irma

Jetpack!

Columbus

The loose plot follows Agent 00's adventures as he infiltrates strongholds (this being easy as he is so small), kicks bad guys in the groin and charms pretty ladies just like his bigger colleague. He is just as deadly too with body count higher than in most Bond films. The film spawned at least one sequel "The Impossible Kid." There is probably also a third film "Agent 00" but Weng Weng's filmography is full of lost and obscure films. The trailer hints that there may have been a prequel also.

Romance!

Overall the continuity is bad making the plot almost non-essential. The fun comes from the mischievous little hero going to different places, fighting hordes of bad guys doing crazy stunts and shyly flirting with ladies. His trademark move is sliding across the floor and shooting. Sometimes he is coy and playful, sometimes he is a stone-cold killer. The action scenes are surprisingly deadpan low-budget Asian action film style shoot-outs. The English dub is hilarious to listen to with weird dubbing and many absurd lines. The punny title references to "For Your Eyes Only" that was released in the same year, but mostly the plot is kind of pastische of Bond-tropes and of course the soundtrack has Bond-like music cues. This can be classified as a parody but it mainly relies on the silly setting without going overboard with jokes. Surprisingly most characters just ignore Weng Weng's height and he uses his size as his advantage, he can hide easily and a small target is harder to hit. It is like Roger Moore- era Bonds, with tongue-in cheek humour but also with more serious spy-action (albeit campy and cheaply made). This is about as fun as Filipino midgetsploitation can get: cool, absurd, and wild.

Rating: Either

Very Good or

So bad it is good

Starring: Weng Weng, Yehlen Catral, Carmi Martin, Anna Marie Gutierrez, Beth Sandoval, Max Alvarado, Mike Cohen, Tony Ferrer, Jim Gaines, Rodolfo 'Boy' Garcia, Romy Nario, Ruben Ramos

Director: Eddie Nicart

The Impossible Kid a.k.a The Impossible Kid of Kung Fu

Liliw Films International, Philippines, 1982.

This movie can be found in Martial Arts 50 Movie Pack by Mill Creek Entertainment.

Agent 00 (Weng Weng) is now an Interpol agent with a new chief (Ben Johnson, no not the sprinter). He catches a hitman and saves hostages, chases a truck and rescues a kidnapped businessman. All in the first eight minutes. Weng's boss apperas always when he is flirting with the local Moneypenny (Chicklet Moreno). Wicked terrorists are kidnapping wealthy industrialists. Always laughing Senyor Manolo (Romy Diaz) wants protection from Interpol. However he just mocks the tiny agent until 00 beats up some of Manolo's bodyguards.That'll teach them.

Agent 00, Interpol.

Interpol's secretary (Chicklet Moreno)

The Chief

Terrorist chief wearing a Klan mask with a Cobra logo demands a ransom on one billion pesos or they will kidnap the industrialists and destroy the factories. Agent 00 tries to find out who the Terrorist leader is and fights enemies in backyards, karate dojos and cheap hotels (where he usually meets naked women). Whenever goons are arrested, they always get murdered before they can reveal the identity of the terrorists. The secret identity of the Cobra boss gives the story a mystery element although it is not difficult to guess who it is.

Manolo

Cobra leader

Karate!

After "For Y'ur Height Only" you would think to have seen all the tricks of midget spy flicks. However the absurdity reaches new heights. What the sequel loses in originality it more than takes back with the weirdness. Now 00 uses less gadgets but the mini-motorcycle more than balances it. The scene where he jumps with his motorcycle over the ravine must be seen to be believed. In the English dub Weng now has a deeper voice instead of squeakier voice that he had before and it gives an hilariously mismatched impression. Whereas in the prequel he worked mainly alone now he acts more in teams. The story has a better structure now and avoids the weird continuation problems of the prequel. The incidental music copies shamelessly the Pink Panther theme but overall the music is better now. Now Agent 00 has his own theme song "Impossible Kid" sung by Ruby (Tokem) Tia :"I love my Weng Weng!"

Whereas in the previous film nobody saw anything strange about a fire extinguisher sized secret agent, here he is often mistaken for a kid. The jokes feel less politically correct as more fun is made of midgets. In some action scenes the bad guys even practice midget tossing. However that does not much bother Weng, he is as cool and badass as before and kicks butt as before. This is silly and cheap but great fun when watched in right mindset.

Ruben Ramos who was a minor boss Jack in the previous film returns as henchman Abdul. ~~Bond-~~ Weng-girl is played by Nina Sara.

Abdul

Lolita

Rating: Either

Very Good or

So bad it is good

Starring: Weng Weng, Romy Diaz, Nina Sara, Tony Carreon, Ben Johnson, Rene Romero, Efren Lapid, Lita Vasquez, Chicklet Moreno, Ruben Ramos, Joe Cunanan, Romy Nario, Ben Morro, Boy Bañes, Renato Morado, Rolly Esteban, Vangie Evangelista, Amor Siron, Avel Morado, Jessie Lee, Jess Ramo, Jose Dura, Nini Dela Rama, Jimmy Milallos, Alma Siron, Barbara Manipol, Ailice Siron, Gina Samonte, Irene Robles, George Gyenes, Lee Scott, David Anderson, Neils Elcehorn, Jack Holltz, James Crumrine, Fred Esplana, Jay Grama, Erning Reyes, Roland Falcis, Eddie Samonte, Rey Abella, Lito Navarro, Gil Bandong, Joe Andrade, Jess Bonzo, Joe Estrada, Roger Santos, Remy Nocum, Ernie Gubaton, Mando Manarang, Tony Bongat, Ramon Tiangco, Jimy Custodio, Mike Manarang, Triumpo Garces, Rodrigo Faculto, Rey Garces, SOS Daredevils
Director: Eddie Nicart

D'Wild Wild Weng a.k.a Wild Wild Weng a.k.a The Good, the Bad, and the Tiny
Liliw Films International, Philippines, 1982.

This movie came as an extra for the documentary "The Search for Weng Weng."

In the anachronistic Wild West undercover agent duo consisting of tiny Mr. Weng (Weng Weng) and big Gordon (Max Laurel) punch bad guys in the face and save people while travelling to Santa Monica. They meet midget Indian Apollo-Moon (or something that sounds like that) who tells that Santa Monica is ruled by evil Senor Sebastian (Romy Diaz) who murdered the former Mayor with his henchmen Ku Manchu (Ernie Ortega), Gaspard (?) and Agusto (??). Mute caretaker of Mayor's mansion Lupo (Max Alvarado who played crime lord in "For Y'ur Height Only") helps the duo and gives them a dune buggy. Actually this is one of the rare Westerns that do not have horses. Lupo is mute because Agusto cut off his tongue so that he couldn't tell who murdered the Mayor.

Mr. Weng

Gordon in the black shirt

Sebastian

Weng and Gordon save Clara (Nina Sara) and her father Mr. Dencio (Dencio Padilla) who are attacked by Ku Manchu's ninjas(!). Poor Lupo can only grunt and squeal in a way that awkwardly reminds of Tor Johnson in "The Beast of Yucca Flats." That doesn't prevent him from acting as as a backup singer when Weng sings a serenade under Clara's balcony with Gordon playing guitar but our Princess is in the another castle! Clara has been kidnapped again. So they have to perform encore of the rescue operation. That slightly annoys Sebastian.

Gaspard and Agusto (actors unknown)

Ku Manchu

Clara

Weng runs around the prairie saving people and punching and shooting bad guys. His trademark sliding attack is used only seldom as most action occurs outside. Weng is the main action star and Gordon seems to be the back-up giving strongman who carries Weng around in a bag to keep him incognito and sometimes tosses him like a spear so that he can reach high places. Sometimes Weng temporarily abandons Gordon and swishes into action alone. Lupo is their tragicomic sidekick who would be just tragic if he could be taken seriously.

The Wild West Ninjas

Serenade

Big Gun

Weng Weng's popularity topped with the Agent 00 movies, and the novelty faded quickly and sadly he was soon forgotten. The Western film was made between the two Agent 00 films and the setting is not quite as fun as the secret agent adventures. However that was not the only Western that he made. This is technically ugly and clumsy film and the bad quality of the print doesn't help. It looks like a cheaply made Spaghetti Western. The equivalent in the Philippines would be Pancit Western but the term seems to be quite little used. The story has a lot of slack but it has plenty of Wut? moments to keep it interesting and enjoyable. The plot throws in everything and the kitchen sink: ninjas, Mexican bandidos, monks and a tribe of pygmy Indians. Again the bad dubbing increases the hilarity. Again Weng is dubbed with an amusingly deep voice. Although the dialogue otherwise is typical for a cheap Western, the dialogue of Weng is laconic as best. An example of dialogue that occurs after Weng saves a girl named Elsa (Yehlen Catral) is very representative:

Elsa: Thank you very much.

Weng: I'm Mr. Weng

Elsa: By the way, my name is Elsa.

Weng: See you.

Man of few words is he. It is like the producers were focused on the action and were not so much interested in making any interesting lines.

Elsa

The cast is known from other Weng Weng films, playing their usual roles except for Max Alvarado who is now a good guy. The finale has the three heroes having a big shootout with Sebastian's army, with Weng mowing down hordes of bandidos with a Gatling-type gun and fighting with a stick against evil Samurais. Like the previous Weng Weng films this is a silly but entertaining trash action film, bizarre and fun.

Rating:

Good or

So bad it is good

Starring: Weng Weng, Yehlen Catral, Nina Sara, Max Alvarado, Max Laurel, Romy Diaz, Ernie Ortega, Robert Miller, Rene Romero, Ike Lozada, Dencio Padilla, Joe Cunanan, Jay Grama, Gil Bandong, Nelson Armiza, Ray Albella, Lito Navarro, Fred Esplana, Alex Pascual, Angelito J. de Guzman, Goliath, Mando Pangilinan, Oscar Reyes, SOS Daredevils

Director: Eddie Nicart

The Search for Weng Weng
Death Rides A Red Horse, Turkeyshoot Productions, Australia, 2007-2013.

There are a lot of rumours about unique and tiny action star Ernesto de la Cruz a.k.a Weng Weng (1957-1992) who according to the Guinness Book of Records was once the shortest actor. Nowadays the title belongs to Ajaykumar from India. Weng Weng was even rumoured to have been a real secret agent and taken part in infiltration missions.

Weng Weng

B-movie enthusiast Andrew Leavold became obsessed with Weng Weng's films and traveled to Philippines to find out the facts about Weng Weng. He interviewed film historians and people who worked with Weng Weng, including director Eddie Nicart, editor Edgardo 'Boy' Vinarao and jovial actor Franco Guerrero. Also the only living relatives are interviewed.

Eddie Nicart

Edgardo 'Boy' Vinarao

Franco Guerrero

Weng Weng is described as a lucky guy. The first of his popular films were small roles in "The Quick Brown Fox" (1980) and "Da Best in Fa West" (1981) starring comedian Dolphy but his career started already in 1976. He liked watching Karate and Kung Fu movies and started practicing martial arts. But he was also lonely and although his movies made money he didn't see any and he died as poor as he was born. Still he was happy to be an actor and to work with the leading ladies. He was also a brave stunt man, making his own stunts. His big breakthrough were the Agent 00- films. "For Y'ur Height Only" was the second in the series and the first movie of the series is considered a lost film.

The producer Peter M. Caballes, who was Weng's guardian, and script writer Cora Ridon Caballes spent the money earned from the movies and Weng Weng did not get salary. Caballes' were friends of President Ferdinand Marcos, and Weng was a regular visitor in the President's Palace. The Marcos family supported Cinema Arts, and used the entertainment to cover the corruption and human right violations. It was quite crazy in the movie business of the Philippines at that time. Imelda Marcos is interviewed also. She hosted Manila Film Festivals to showcase the artistic films of the country, but the low brow films of Weng Weng were the only films that were sold for the foreign audiences and Weng Weng suddenly became an iconic Filipino actor. Many people were not comfortable with that. Still Weng Weng's popularity in the Philippines may also have been high partly because his innocent looks made him resemble Santo Niño, Child Jesus. The popularity also gave rise to Weng Weng impostors.

The documentary tells Weng Weng's story that is quite tragic but also warm and delightful. Sometimes fact is stranger than fiction and so it was also in the Filipino movie industry. In the end fans from around the world express their fandom.

Rating:

Very good

Starring as themselves: Tikoy Aguiluz, Roy Arabejo, Tilman Baumgaertel, Don Gordon Bell, Celso Ad. Castillo, Beth Chai, Teddie Co, Rez Cortez, Roland Dantes, Celing de la Cruz, Editha De La Cruz, Nick Deocampo, Dolphy, Jim Gaines, Peque Gallaga, Eddie Garcia, Franco Guerrero, John Kater, Andrew Leavold, Marrie Lee, Ed Lejano, Maria Isabel Lopez, Anthony Maharaj, Imee Marcos, Imelda Marcos, Pia Moran, Eddie Nicart, Daniel Palisa, Dante Pangilinan, Rusty Santos, Henry Strzalkowski, Bobby A. Suarez, Edgardo Vinarao, Weng Weng (archive footage)

Director: Andrew Leavold

It has been busy two weeks, and I haven't had much time to watch movies. So let's show some popular culture themed (or not) mascots and plushes that I have managed to find in thrift stores (except for Piggy) during the passing year.

Here's happy-looking Gingerbread Man from "Shrek."

Mr. Bean in pajamas, Blossom of The Powerpuff Girls, Ewok Wicket W. Warrick and Dora the Explorer.

Mr. Bean, Blossom of The Powerpuff Girls, Ewok and Dora the Explorer

There can never be too many Barbababas.

Here are some characters created by Finnish children's author Mauri Kunnas. Sleepwalking Mr. Hakkarainen and Martha from Doghill.

Spongebob Squarepands and Patrick seem to have fun.

On the other hand Asterix, Scotty and Elmo seem to have a small grudge.

Some gaming themed toys: Fruit Ninja- mascots, Angry Birds Piggy (movie version) and Wario.

Fruit Ninja, Angry Birds Piggy and Wario

And as a happy coincidence Sharky found his mother, Mommy Shark.

Clowns seem to be in fashion so here's Clown Smurf and Krusty the Clown.

And because it's Halloween here's also vampire Count Von Count.

Ricki and the Flash
Clinica Estetico, LStar Capital, TriStar Pictures, USA, 2015.

Let's check some films that the readers of this site have suggested.

Ricki (Meryl Streep) is a rocker stuck in the 1980s. Although she is living her dream, her band the Flash has seen its better days and plays in small bars. Ricki's day job is being a cashier and she's skint. When her daughter Julie (Streep's real daughter Mamie Gummer) divorces and gets a nervous breakdown she needs to go meet her ex-husband Pete (Kevin Kline). Pete is living in a nice house with his new wife. Rock life has been Ricki's main priority so she is estranged from Julie and sons Josh (Sebastian Stan) and Adam (Nick Westrate). The sons have different lifestyles than their mother (she's a Republican), green/leftist Josh is getting married and Adam is gay.

Pete and Ricki

Julie

Ricki makes progress with Julie but Pete's wife Maureen (Audra McDonald) drives Ricki away. Ricki's boyfriend Greg (Rick Springfield) wants to deepen their relationship but Ricki feels that she has messed up her life. So making up with the past is the way to go. Finally Ricki shows the uptight wedding guest's how to rock. It was amusing to see the the shocked faces of the wedding guests when the band started to play.

Emily (Hailey Gates) and Josh

Ricki and Greg

Meryl Streep sings adult oriented rock songs well and shows again her versatility. The soundtrack has good classic rock and some pop cover songs. The character of Ricki (Streep) was inspired by scriptwriter Diablo Cody’s rocker mother-in-law, Terry Cieri, so there is some personal touch in the story. But there are some things that prevent this from becoming one of my favourite Meryl Streep films. The comedic drama is well acted but has quite traditional redemption plot so no surprises here. Emphasis on the word comedic as the marketing tried to market this as a comedy although this is clearly a drama with some funny moments. Rick Springfield is also a fun rocker but it is a pity that the rest of the Flash, with many musicians from famous bands, have only minimal roles so the story is more about Ricki and less about the Flash. Generally it is a warm-hearted film with enjoyable dialogue. Still I think that the slice of life style approach does not fully work here as the other characters do not fully use their potential and somehow the story feels incomplete. We do not learn much about the family members of Ricki except that one kid is neurotic, one is gay and one is green. Still it is very watchable thanks to Meryl Streep's performance and music.

Rating:

Good

Starring: Meryl Streep, Rick Springfield, Rick Rosas, Joe Vitale, Bernie Worrell, Ben Platt, Peter C. Demme, Jim Roche, Alexa Klienbard, Keala Settle, Joe Toutebon, Big Jim Wheeler, Brooklyn Demme, Eamon O'Rourke, Aaron Moten, Adam Shulman, Kevin Kline, Chinasa Ogbuagu, Majora Carter, Gus Halper, 'Sister' Carol East, Cherise Boothe, Mamie Gummer, Bill Irwin, Ripley Sobo, Lucy Owen, Sebastian Stan, Nick Westrate, Hailey Gates, Josh Tobin, Carmen Carrera, Li Jun Li, Gabriel Ebert, Lisa Joyce, Jimmy Kieffer, Scott Ripley, Kelsey Didion, John Dreher, Suzanne Lenz, Scott Vicari, Desi Domo, Eliza Simpson, Audra McDonald, Emily Cass McDonnell, Cynthia J. Hopkins, Em Grosland, Charlotte Rae, Beau Sia, Jeff Biehl, Victoria Haynes, Joshua Elrod, Tubten Rabten, Anna Robertson, Tony Costa, Christopher Tierney, Isabella Way, Leah O'Donnell, Erin Mullin, Trevor F. Salter, Mason Ames, Katherine Crockett, Jos Demme, PigPen Theatre Company, Renée Albulario, Leasen Beth Almquist, Barbara Christie, Semar Ghebremichael, Chris Giarmo, Lawrence Goldhuber, Andrew Haserlat, Perri Lauren, Will Mann, Mayumi Miguel, William Ryall, Chinaza Uche, Alain Van Beaux, Nicholas Ward, James Young

Director: Jonathan Demme

The Forest (2016)

Sony Pictures Releasing, Stage 6 Films, AI Film, Lava Bear/ Phantom Four Films. USA, Japan, 2016.

Continuing with the reviews of reader-suggested films.

In Japan there is an infamous forest in Aokigahara where numerous people commit suicide every year. In ancient times old people were left to die in the forest in there was shortage of food. Japanese ghost tales tell that the place is haunted by ghosts and demons. Sara Price's (Natalie Dormer) teacher twin sister Jess (Natalie Dormer) vanishes so Sara travels to Japan to find her. The school says that Jess vanished in Aokigahara (actually the forest scenes were filmed in Serbia). The locals warn her about going to the forest as there are Yurei-ghosts who make people lose their minds. As a curious note Sara uses search engine named Tree.

Sara

Tree

Sara meets seemingly nice freelance reporter Aiden (Taylor Kinney) who promises to show her the forest with a local guide Michi (Yukiyoshi Ozawa). The forest has a psychological effect on the visitors and Sara's childhood's traumas make it only worse. Creepy schoolgirls appear. Is she seeing ghosts or hallucinations? Soon Sara is alone in the dark forest with Aidan, but can she trust him?

Yukiyoshi Ozawa, Taylor Kinney and Natalie Dormer

Michi, Aiden and Sara

Boo!

Hoshiko (Rina Takasaki)

Some critics were offended by film using a white main character and being disrespectful for using subject of area where real suicides occur. As if this was the first time someone was using some tragic and creepy events from real life as a basis for a horror movie! There are also other movies made about the same forest "Forest of the Living Dead" and "Grave Halloween" and The Sea of Trees" for example. Also Japanese have used the notoriety of the forest in their own stories, literature and rock music. For example manga "The Kurosagi Corpse Delivery Service" uses Aokigahara as a plot device. As Japanese pop-culture also loans from Western culture why shouldn't other countries also have their own interpretation about Japanese myths or places?

The Social Justice Warriors just decided that the film was bad and saw the film as just 'white washing' and 'disrespectful' but failed to see the surprisingly justified and tragic backstory: Sara and Jess had a childhood trauma that made the twins different personalities. Jess became more rebellious of the two. Sara was troubled that Jess had seen a tragedy and carried a form of survivor's guilt (although in the end there is a major twist and even the existence of Jess is uncertain) that made her care deeply about her sister strengthening the bond between twins. As Sara went into the forest the depressing atmosphere loaded with heavy baggage of the place's history opened old wounds that Sara was not even aware of resulting to her gradual mental deterioration. It is easy to see that visiting Aokigahara would have a disturbing effect on mentally anguished person. The plot smartly blurs the lines of reality and delusions. Sure the story could have been deeper and there are some flaws and some horror cliché decisions but for what was meant to be a relatively low budget debut horror it could have been worse or more exploitative. It will be interesting to see how Jason Zada's career will develop.

It is a decent psychological/ghost horror with quite familiar J-horror elements. The forest is quite impressive and moody place. It is not a groundbreaking film but still a pretty good Halloween watch.

Rating:

Good

Starring: Natalie, Eoin Macken, Stephanie Vogt, Osamu Tanpopo, Yasuo Tobishima, Ibuki Kaneda, Akiko Iwase, Kikuo Ichikawa, Noriko Sakura, Jozef Aoki, Yûho Yamashita, Taylor Kinney, Gen Seto, Terry Diab, Nadja Mazalica, Lidija Antonic, Takako Akashi, Yuriri Naka, Yukiyoshi Ozawa, Nemanja Naumoski, Tales Yamamoto, Meg Kubota, Mieko Wertheim, Rina Takasaki, Carni Djeric, Yoshio Hasegawa, Masashi Fujimoto, Tatsujiro Oto, James Owen, Shintaro Taketani

Director: Jason Zada

Two-Lane Blacktop

Michael Laughlin Enterprises, Universal Pictures, USA, 1971.

The Driver (James Taylor) and The Mechanic (Dennis Wilson) are laconic and car-obsessed chaps who basically live in their car, black custom-built Chevy '55. Road racing is their way of life. The Girl (Laurie Bird) is a hippie trying to go to San Francisco so she joins them. Her presence results in a drama triangle. That doesn't last long though, as the guys are more interested in their car than her.

The Mechanic and The Driver

Chevy

The Girl

The guys challenge a man of tall tales, G.T.O (Warren Oates) to a road race. Winner gets the loser's car. As contrast to the old Chevy, G.T.O's Pontiac is modern muscle car. However the race doesn't have much importance. Sometimes they stop to repair the cars, hang around and chat. Sometimes G.T.O gives a lift to hitchhikers and tells untruthful stories about himself, being a former fighter pilot, movie director and whatever. However he is a burned-out adrenaline-junkie whose motor leaks. "What do we have, thirty-forty years?" reminds a delusional hitchhiker or a messenger of death.

G.T.O

The style is very minimalistic and existential. It has more in common with French New Wave films than with usual chase films. The cinematic time capsule preserves flashes of 1970s Americana, gas stations, race tracks and diners. Everyone is going somewhere and nowhere. Nothing much happens but there is nothing unnecessary. It has the same kind of rootlessness and disillusionment of post-Vietnam era U.S.A as in "Easy Rider" and "The Vanishing Point". The only place for freedom is on the road and even that does not matter.

The scrolling yellow road line in the beginning looks like inspiration for the scenes in James Cameron's "Terminator 2" and David Lynch's "Lost Highway."

Rating:

Very good

Starring: James Taylor, Warren Oates, Laurie Bird, Dennis Wilson, David Drake, Richard Ruth, Rudy Wurlitzer, Jaclyn Hellman, Bill Keller, Harry Dean Stanton, Don Samuels, Charles Moore, Tom Green, W.H. Harrison, Alan Vint, Illa Ginnaven, George Mitchell, A.J. Solari, Katherine Squire, Melissa Hellman, Jay Wheatley, James Mitchum, Kreag Caffey, Tom Witenbarger, Glen Rogers, Tomas Moore, Big Willie Robinson III

Director: Monte Hellman

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